Scally Cap

HAN SOLO: Hell, I never would have flown a spaceship if it wasn't for the daring exploits of Ben Quadinaros, famed podracer... He inspired all of us kids back on Corellia. LEIA (NODDING): Yes, I also know and love Ben Quadinaros. The boy, Han... let's name the boy after him

I hate Speedway so much. They make you watch these dogshit ads on the pump touchscreen and gas isn't even any fucking cheaper.

Dan Ryckert is the most fictional person alive.

That feeling of reaching the bottom of a vape and you taste the shit that'll probably boomerang back at you in your 40s.

A lot of Jimmy Buffett songs are about old people having sex, which was a big factor in his popularity.

Yes it's me, the superior being.

Imagine where PewDiePie would be right now if he hadn't crossed that bridge. He'd probably be Secretary of Gaming.

Our most precious human resources are guys who go on r/AskALawyer and say "You should ask a lawyer about this."

I'll be the one to say it, socks are an asshole present. "But they're always useful and nobody likes buying them!" Ok then pay my water bill. Dickhead.

If the younglings hang out with Yoda too much do their speech patterns get all fucked up?

Misogynist Jedi be like, "👋Calm down."

Who the hell is Ed Sheeran? Some kind of singer?

When it happens, there's going to be a whole wave of twitch streamers who will be reacting to it in real time. I'm really looking forward to the compilations.

Man, the Senate room in Star Wars was so fucking cool.

The new episode of Taskmaster is not helping all the slander about British weather and dentistry.

He should lose his medical license for this.

Reminder that it's ok to go back and read Dilbert again.

My new rapper name is Packs Romano.

I need a little rat companion with a hat who says shit like "Coitainly!"

Dental hygenists should memorize some folk tales or famous speeches to tell me in the chair.

My request for custom card sleeves was rejected because I wanted to use this picture.

Shaman Named Dwayne

Until my dying day I will remember that Waterloo, Ontario is where the vampires hang out.

"I would have voted for Obama for a third term if I could."

My computer locked up for a few seconds and then my headphones beeped "shave-and-a-haircut" at me.

Nephew Whacking The Hell Out Of Tree Trunk With Stick

My favorite part of a Star Trek episode is when everybody realizes that some alien bullshit is happening and go "ah shit it's trekkin' time."

The reason all my text messages are fucked up is because back in the day it took us 1-5 keystrokes per character and nobody had time to capitalate and punctualize.

Pausa de Hidratacion

Celebrating Bastille Day by listening to Pompeii on repeat.

I took a vow of poverty so don't ask me for shit.

*sniff* *sniff* Smells a little less like bitch in here.

I would rather blow my nuts off with an illegal firework than work in the video game industry.

I'm the opposite of hungry (have to poop).

The AI industry will be destroyed by white hat pedophiles.

The government should sell all of our student debt and then make it dischargeable via bankruptcy.

Ranma 1/2 is so fuckin good until Happosai shows up.

My amazing wife has done a great job fighting off the problems clown this week.

I deserve a medal or two for not saying it.