Sharkey 🦈

I love that Koenig was such a nerd that he slipped a reference to The Prisoner into Babylon 5

If my phone could project force fields and punch people with light I'd probably still forget the charger in my motel room, but at least I know I'd be a shitty space cop.

Get in boner we're going boning

On one hand I'm sort of flattered when someone assumes I'm a youngster. On the other, I did not encamp on this bitch of an Earth for forty-eight of its fucking orbits to be called "kid."

Happy birthday to my brother, who got all the old man's flawed, recessive genes.

Adam Warlock: not a warlock Warlock: not a warlock The Juggernaut: you're not gonna believe this

Antimatter Rifle is the first alphabetical option and now you have to convince the DM to allow your level one goblin barbarian to have one for story reasons

Dreamed I went back to my childhood home and they'd replaced me with PenPen. Like, the door to my room opens and this fucker steps out and that goofy domestic music starts playing. They were all so much happier.

Man, it sure is a good thing everyone else in the universe is dead. Otherwise I'd be worried.

8^y

Is there a health benefit to just drinking a jar of olive brine? Imma do anyway but it'd be nice to feel smug about it on account of I found an article about how it cures cancer in mice or some shit.

It's like we're living in a social experiment designed to produce a whole generation of motherfuckers that would lock you in a room with a facehugger.

Nothing like whacking your head on a doorframe to remind you that your brain is just three pounds of jello with delusions of grandeur.

This was a blast to do again. Only struggled a little to remember how to talk to other human beings like a normal person.

For years I was suffering from a debilitating condition called Sleep Related Painful Erections. I may look happy in this picture, but I was in living hell. Content warning: I get into graphic medical detail, and discuss suicidal thoughts. (Reposted with better header) medium.com/@jameseldred...

This one always bugs my shit right out on account of Final Fight is *right there.* It has exactly one cop, and he's a corrupt piece of shit that tries to shoot you.

This week forty years ago we were blessed with episode 2 of The New Monkees, wherein Marty fell asleep on a copy machine. Numerous duplicate Martys were set loose in the mansion. Wackiness ensued. There were no survivors.

You are trying to make friends. Roll 1d4, your new acquaintance has decided that you are a 1: vampire 2: witch 3: robot 4: egg They cannot be dissuaded from this conviction.

what if we bring back Aki Ross except with gross vibes and also it can't talk good.

Looking forward to the default JRPG post apocalyptic future where we're fighting each other with swords and matchlocks and shit while collecting DVDs you need to bring to an apparent fuckin wizard who is like holy shit, have you not seen Mean Girls? Hang on I just need to find the right cable.

Ideal ADHD / autism relationships like:

*explaining to the kids* "I'm older than chicken nuggets." *eyes glowing, rising upward* "I am older than Happy Meals" *lightning arcs while funnel clouds form in the sky* "I AM OLDER THAN RANCH DRESSING"

Padding out my resume like Possesses mass that can affect celestial objects Expels superheated breath up to 311 Kelvin Completely replaces 98% of its own atoms every year Composed primarily of an acid that can dissolve most substances Word, Excel

My apathy is palpable. Go on, palp it.

remember when ppl were like hey maybe don't make kids work 12 hour days and can we have weekends off and the government was like fuck you have some bombs

Egg Corridor is still a fuckin bop. m.youtube.com/watch?v=cy9e...

Kermit and Miss Piggy are both members of the same species that exhibits extreme sexual dimorphism.

Put me back in the matrix. I want to be a mediocre white guy in the 90s who is bored with his safe life at the end of history and wishes he could fight in a mythologized war of ideas. Or a just war against fascists. You know, like his parents and grandparents. But without actually having to do that.

Deltarune is to Undertale as Desperation is to The Regulators as Jojo parts 1-6 are to parts 7-9

When I disabled all the AI shit in gmail it unceremoniously dumped about thirty thousand bits of junk mail from my spam folder to my inbox. Which is breathtakingly petty, sure, but I finally unsubscribed from a bunch of shit and cancelled services I forgot about so joke's on you, fuckers.

"What a fool you are. I'm a god. How can you kill a god? What a grand and intoxicating innocence. How could you be so naive? There is no escape. No Recall or Intervention can work in this place. Come. Lay down your weapons. It is not too late for my mercy." *Stabs heart*

Sometimes I think some shit like "all cops should be required to carry malpractice insurance." Then I remember, no, all cops should be dissolved in acid.