Nice Dude (sincere)

Boy do I love sex. Really love putting my penis into some *looks at smudged writing on hand* verguba

but this guy *taps photo of Trump* there’s only one thing he quieros

if at first you don’t succeed, oh well I guess forget it

My take is that Americans are sexist enough that they’d only vote en masse for a very particular type of woman. Most women that type have no interest in elected office. Kamala was not that type, nor was Hillary. That doesn’t mean they’d fail btw. AOC is the closest we’ve had, I hope she goes for it.

I will protest by not drinking alcohol - until 9pm local time, at which point I will drink more quickly than usual to catch up

[goes back in time] Me: WOW! I can't believe I'm seeing a real dinosau-- T-Rex: MOOOOOOOOOO! Apatosaurus: MOOOOOO!! Triceratops: MOOOOO!! Me: So you guys moo Archaeopteryx: MOOOOOOOO!

please enjoy this tree singing showtunes

An AI technology almost certainly did something amazing (and terrifying) this week. Crazy to see agreement among 3 ppl who hate each other to slow it all down ahead of huge IPOs. Sorry this isn’t funny, but wow what a world

All week I’ve been randomly thinking of this tweet from @dcpierson.bsky.social. Just one of the funniest insights ever

there’s being down bad and then there’s being a billionaire arrested for soliciting prostitution at a trailer park at 9:30am

it’s so weird how Master Lock used to sponsor major events. How many locks were these bros selling wtf

[meeting a Canadian] “omg do you know Tim Horton”

MY DOCTOR: can you please stop doing that ME [keeps pronouncing ‘testicles’ in a way that vaguely rhymes with ‘Hercules’]: stop doing what

me when I see a bunch of new promising pharmaceuticals

hitting a certain age when you stroll the beach and instead of admiring hotties in swimwear you start to eyefuck real estate you can’t afford

Remembering how I was called a racist for being so so early on calling out Dr Eugene Gu’s sociopathic behavior

Looney Tunes has misled me considerably about this guy

The song Born in the USA is actually about birthright citizenship

Four simple ingredients: Water, alcohol, piss, and regret

you don’t hear many modern songs about sexy teenage runaways

personally I think these so so stupid but I also see cybertrucks everywhere every day so who knows I guess

[Guy from The Knack getting married] “It’s OUR Sharona now”

related or nah

absolutely never realized it was Alexander Skarsgård in Zoolander lol

Happy birthday @ygrene.bsky.social you rule my friend

“everybody was kung-fu fighting” oh? even a little baby? a little baby with no muscle strength was kicking and punching and flying around? a tiny little flying kung-fu baby? get out of my face

I’ll be a Knicks fan forever if it happens tonight

so did we ever takeover Greenland or was that a fever dream

is that good

BOSS: so this mess up is unbelievable ME: well I’m an idiot, and you hired me, so who’s really at fault here

Don Jr has hired James Austin Johnson to go to his wedding instead

Mayor McCheese can never die, he can only become moldy

tell me you have only met like 5 people without telling me you’ve only met like 5 people

It’s Casey Anthony

Tiger Woods is the Harrison Ford of cars

my war peace plan is getting all the relevant leaders in a room and having them watch 20min of videos of deaf babies and toddlers getting hearing aids and hearing their mother’s voices for the first time

Quite old but my favorite onion headline ever

I’m not even a classic barstool hater but man Wake Up Barstool is such a twisted tv show concept. Who wants to see bros debate underboob vs sideboob at 8am. Sir this is my time to drink coffee and read about the world’s horrors