Matthew Nielsen

Spare a thought for the techs of Alberta’s results.elections.ab.ca site: “We’re about to announce that the polls are closed.” “Ok, I’ll spin up 18,000 virtual machines and 1,000 database replicas. Here, take this.“ “A rosary? I’m not Catholic.“ “Doesn’t matter, we need all the help we can get.“

Good news from Alberta tonight!

I know it’s only the advance ballot results, but this still calls for another drink! #Alberta

* all of North America watching Alberta right now * Manitoba to Saskatchewan: "thank God no one is making fun of us for a change!"

The last time I paid this much attention to Canadian politics, it was to watch Poilievre lose his seat. Now I’m watching to see if he’ll lose his his whole riding. #Alberta #canpol

The Alberta referendum will soon be over (I hope) because Canada is better with Alberta remaining with the rest of us! So I am drinking Gibson's Finest in my Canadian Club glass, cooling the whiskey with cubed stones from the peaks of Alberta's rockies. Vote NO to all ten questions! #CanadaStrong

Here’s my idea: Alberta can join the USA, but Idaho and Utah have to join Canada. It works better than you think: Utah and Alberta have basically interchangeable populations; worse hockey, but better basketball. And no one with notice Idaho has even moved, tbh.

Only a handful of people in my US state even know what the #Alberta flag looks like, but I’m flying it anyway. Stay strong, Alberta. Together, we’ll get through this.

Back when I was at #MTV (via the NickTunes ↘️ Nickelodeon ⬆️ MTVnMix ⤵️ MTV ➡️ Viacom death Zaibatsu), it was bad enough having Sumner Redstone for a boss. If I were still there, knowing I’m working for Larry Ellison would make take long walk through the basement of 1515 Broadway and never come back.

I asked Meta AI for a Spanish version of "Gilding the lily": "Echarle mucha crema a sus tacos" - to put too much cream on your tacos. "Sobreadornar" - to over-bribe. "Rizar el rizo" - curling a curl. Compare "sombrero sobre sombrero", "hat on a hat". Spanish idioms are highly underrated!

Ah, libraries, that old bastion of #misogyny. (The Old Librarian's Almanack, 1774)

Posting for no other reason than pictures of my #aminals are always worth posting. #catpictures

I know I’m just jumping on the Aonishiki bandwagon at this point, but can’t express how much I like watching his #sumo. Sure, he’s young and makes a lot of mistakes, but he never looks rattled after a loss. He’s got a huge future (if he can protect his knees!) #安青錦

Miracles happen. My cat, Buddy, disappeared last October. I hoped I’d see her again, but accepted that I wouldn’t. Then today, 10 1/2 months later, you can guess what happened.

TiL I've been referring to these things, "« »", as "Guillemots" for my entire life. And I've been wrong for my entire life. "Guillemot" is a BIRD. "Guillemet" is a #typography symbol. This is "HTTP Referrer" all over again.

If you have this setting enabled in #MacOS, I would like a word with you. And by "word", I mean I'm going to be exasperated and condescending.* *:Unless it's for accessibility, or your period key is _literally_ broken.† †: Wow, you must really love that keyboard! What brand is it?

#spain, your are amazing! First the Women’s title then the Men’s, back to back. That was the most consistent and most coordinated side I have ever seen in a World Cup match. Enjoy your title, Spain, you f——ing earned it.

SCRUB THAT, FIFA! #spain

I’m starting to see why most of my Latin-American coworkers have “strong feelings” towards #Argentina.

like dude just scored the world cup winner but Argentina

I’ll give this to Argentina: Simón, their goal watcher, is having an amazing streak. Spain’s Martínez *might* be good? We don’t know yet 😝

#Norway was excellent today, but #England was just a bit better. Pickford and Nyland were both on-form. Still, if it had gone to penalties, I think Norway would have won. No matter what, it was one hell of a match.

On a less-sad note: I love Lukabakio from his days at Fortuna Düsseldorf, and Lukaku has always been amazing. I’m happy I got to seen them at their best here. #Belgium absolutely deserved this win.

Canada, out. USA, out. Three Lions, you’ve got a lot riding on you now. #england

And that’s the last time any of these boys will get to play in a World Cup on home soil. I always knew we wouldn’t get to final, but I wanted us to go out better that THAT. #usmnt

STAY IN YOUR GOD-DAMNED BOX! You are not Manuel Neuer! #usmnt

TIL that #Belgium ‘s World Cup tricots have “Ceci n'est pas un maillot” written on them. Magritte is probably my favourite artist, so one more reason to be conflicted about this match.

Hey #FIFA, here’s a free idea: Football World Cup, with both the Men’s AND Women’s teams. The home men’s plays the visitors women’s, and they switch at the half when they swap sides of the pitch. (Because the #uswnt would have put Belgium to bed by now, at the half!)

Wow, Balogun's suspension was lifted. Even though (I think) an arschkarte was the wrong call, FIFA stepping in like this only makes it worse. If #usmnt gets 3 or 1 points against Belgium tomorrow, it will always carry an asterisk and that's a terrible legacy to have.

Hey world, American here: Despite the “complicated” feelings many of you have toward the USA right now, I’m very appreciative of the nations who’re participating in the “Sail 250” Naval Review in New York harbour. Seeing this makes me remember we’re more similar than we are different. Thank you.

CANMNT and Canada Soccer shared a statement thanking Canadians for their support on the team's historic #FIFAWorldCup run 🙌🇨🇦

Added a new kitten to the household this week (kitten because it’s easier for the current Big Cat in Charge to accept). I found myself realizing that, by the time we’re ready to do this again, I’ll probably be 60 years old.

the US men’s national team hasn’t scored more goals in this tournament than they have in every other world cup i’ve seen play combined (2006 to 2022), but it’s pretty fuckin close

“If the 14th amendment only applies to slaves, the 2nd amendment only applies to muskets.” #14thAmendment

T3h AIs are getting _VERY_ good a predicting human behaviour:

Curaçao's goalkeeper, who just set the World Cup record for saves in a 99 minute game (15!), plays for Miami… in USL. He plays MINOR LEAGUE AMERICAN SOCCER. And he just stood on his head to get Curaçao their first World Cup point. The beautiful game, indeed.

Hard to believe a product can help me speak another language when they can't get their own name right in the ads.

Oh no! That "near" is a LOAD-BEARING WORD! I had better have it checked out right now! #spam

I've made the worst mechanical keyboard, ever. On purpose. github.com/xunker/worst... #keyboards #keebin

At a funeral today, my spouse quipped "they need a 'hug the dog' station to make everyone feel better." I think that's a great idea, and I intend to add it to my will.

Idea for the day: a cannabis home delivery company named "Door'ed Hash"

Whenever there's a #DataBreach and a ton of passwords are leaked online, we always shame passwords like "secret123". We never say "wow, this password uses all 64 bytes, whitespace, and non-latin characters!" "Okay, so it is 'ßig քenis' repeated 5 times, but still! Security!"

To the person who cared enough to make this sign, I say thank you. This was the question I wrestled with before deciding to take that long walk up State Street yesterday.

Here’s a photo I took yesterday, I think it sums up the current dichotomy in US politics.

My wife has two wireless access points set up in our house. One is a US-spec model and one is Canadian. One is an "AP". The other is an "Eh-P". You're welcome.

For fun, I set up a Time Machine backup on a UHS-I microSD card. Sounds like a neat idea.. but don't do it.

This whole "<event> isn't a REAL sport" mentality is just tripe. Yeah, *I* could probably pull off a snowboard 1080 -- once. But doing it ten times in a row? Consistency is why they ARE athletes, and why it IS a sport.

Please, can we just replace the US Men's Soccer team with the #teamUSA Men's #Hockey team? Then we might have a chance at the World Cup in this century...

I only care about hockey every 4 years.. but what a year to care about it! #teamUSA Women just pulled off 3 goals in 2 minutes. Simply wow.

My spouse just made onigiri for our dog: kibble inside a rice ball. I don’t know if my dog is a picky eater, or simply stylish af.