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The English alphabet is wrong. You missed this. Your parents missed this. Our ancestors all the way back to 700 BC missed this. I am the first person to notice this, making me a once in 2.7 MILLENNIA genius. I'll try to put this in simple enough words that even your puny brains can understand (1/26)

The letter "A" is flawless and more importantly ... honest. It is exactly what it says on the tin. We could all be a bit more like "A".

Sadly the ancients followed it up with what can only be described as a colossal mistake:

"B" IS NOT A REAL LETTER. It is, in fact, just "E" wearing a funny hat:

The ancients, not noticing their mistake, proceeded to make the same mistake with "C". Or as I like to call it ... "E" wearing a funny hat:

This kicks off a sick fixation with shoving "E" down our throats over and over again. NINE TIMES in total. And we just ate it up like the dumb pigs that we are:

Some combination of hubris and ignorance resulted in 13 FAKE letters in what could have and should have been an honest and true alphabet:

I don't want to irresponsibly throw around conclusions when I haven't finished my analysis, but I suspect that this weak foundation resulted in the decline of western civilization that we've seen over the last 2000 years. This will likely lead to its ultimate collapse.

I don't like identifying problems without providing solutions. I think a good first step would be to replace "fake" letters with their equivalents. For example, the last sentence would be "I ehina a eooe firse seee uoule ee eo reelaee "faae" leeeers wieh eheir euuiealenes".

This allows us to immediately start honestly communicating with each other. This is better than nothing, but I think we should fundamentally rethink our language with the "real letters" at its core: A, E, F, H, I, L, M, N, O, R, S, U, X.