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Am man, can confirm. Currently 3 kinds in my pantry.

You can pry the peanut butter jar out of my cold dead hands

It's ok to just eat it of the jar with a spoon, you know that right?

So first of all, how dare you

Most men have a 'i could eat x amount of y' that is profoundly unrealistic and/or dangerous. I know I can eat an essentially limitless number of chicken nuggets

Eating peanut butter as I read this

Is peanut butter going out of style? Because that's how I'm eating it.

peanut butter's fault for going so hard

First the NFL and now peanut butter?

Guilty as charged your honor.

it's not from Reese's chocolate, it's from pretzel nuggets

The same goes for trail mix, sadly

The extension of this axiom: Everyman has an amount of peanut butter he would have like to have eaten, and that amount is "less than I did".

Don't remind me we're out of PB this morning.

Reading this literally after I polished off a late-night PB&J because I’m 5.

Oh you mean a spoonful whenever I realize I'm in the kitchen! Yeah, I have that.

Surround it with pretzel and I will agree

yknow Michael Bay directed that ad

That's a serious deep cut.

“Just one serving of peanut butter” *applies one serving* “THATS IT?!?! To hell with this”

Not my fault it’s the perfect food

Can I recommend the liquid-diet recovery from periodontal surgery, where a truly perverted quantity of peanut butter in a smoothie is the only way to get a day's calories?

If you put the knife in and get too little peanut butter, you go back in and get more. If you get too much on the first scoop out, you never put the excess back. Never.

I listen to every episode of Better Offline and all I get in return is getting called out

I feel this applies even to people with allergies.

Ha!

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Today you are an American. I think there is a little Lincoln in you.