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I took the cognitive test again, the Montreal Cognitive Assessment, which is considered by many to be the hardest intelligence test ever invented. Much harder than the SAT, the bar exam, even the nuclear tests, which I also know very well.

They call it the MoCA. Very fancy. Canadian. Nobody knows why. I am renaming it the Trump Cognitive Test.

The doctors said, "Sir, we've never seen anything like this." They were shaking. One of them was crying, a very highly educated man, maybe the most educated, and he said, "Mr. President, this test is designed to detect severe cognitive impairment."

And I said that's right, and I detected it perfectly. All of it. Nobody has ever detected more cognitive impairment than me.

They ask you very difficult questions. They show you a picture of a camel. Now most people would say a horse, or possibly a dog. I said camel. Immediately. They couldn't believe it.

Then a rhinoceros. Very unfair animal, by the way. Nobody sees a rhinoceros anymore. Not since Biden. I said hippopotamus, which is basically the same thing, only much smarter. They gave me full credit. Maybe extra credit. They don't normally do that.

Then they asked me to draw a clock. Very hard. They said ten past eleven. I said ten past eleven what? Morning? Night? Nobody knows. They don't even give you a clock to look at. You have to remember what a clock looks like. Incredible.

I drew a beautiful circle. Perfect circle. Better than the circles Obama used to draw, which were not circles, believe me. The hands were a little different because I believe in innovation.

One was pointing at the twelve and the other one was pointing at the twelve also. Midnight. Very important time for our country.

Then they said remember five words. Face. Velvet. Church. Daisy. Red. I remembered all five. They asked me again later and I said ballroom. Because that's what we need. A ballroom.

And they said no sir, there were five words, and I said ballroom, ballroom, ballroom, ballroom, ballroom. Five. Perfect. Count them.

The fake news is saying this is not an IQ test. They say it's a basic screening test that most healthy adults can pass without difficulty. Well then why was it so difficult? Answer that. They can't. They have no answer. I was sweating like a dog.

The doctor said, "Sir, you don't have to keep taking it." I said I have to. For the country.

Some of the so-called experts are saying they can't finalize results. They're very divided on this.

One doctor, a very nasty woman, said it's impossible to establish a baseline because I've always been like this. Which I think is a compliment. Very consistent. The most consistent president in history.

And this is why we need the White House ballroom. The White House doesn't have a ballroom. Can you believe it? They have rooms, they have hallways, they have a little room where you can get a sandwich, but no proper ballroom.

George Washington wanted one. Lincoln wanted one. Lincoln was shot because there was no ballroom. People don't know that. The historians won't tell you.

We're building a beautiful ballroom, a massive ballroom, with clocks, many clocks, some of the biggest clocks in the world. Every clock will say ten past eleven because that's what I got on the test. Ten past eleven. A perfect score.

And the ballroom will have animals. Not real animals. Pictures. Camels, lions, rhinoceroses, all the ones I identified. So when the doctors come back I can point to them. I won't even need the test anymore.

Thirty out of thirty. I got thirty. The doctor said there's no thirty-first point and I said that's why we're building the ballroom. We're going to have thirty-one points. Maybe forty. Nobody's ever done that before.

They say I should take the test again in six months. I said what test?