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✨The Needling’s Top Ten Stories of 2025✨ Good afternoon, engulfed Cybertruck. Goodbye, 2025. Goodluck, 2026. tinyurl.com/5n8nd2dk

In response to multiple threats by the United States to turn Canada into the 51st state, Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney surprised Canadians and Washingtonians by declaring Washington Canada’s 11th Province: tinyurl.com/4w688ss6

After weeks of trying to strike up friendly conversations with people about their neighbors, lonely and distraught local ICE Agent Martin Briggs says no one is talking to him here because of the Seattle Freeze: tinyurl.com/5n9x8s93

“They didn’t always kayak from one room of their house to another?” tinyurl.com/46nvry6a

“Bigg’s orcas usually aren’t as picky about what they eat, but this little rudder-snapper won’t eat a thing his mom puts in front of him unless she cuts it into little yacht shapes." tinyurl.com/2uwf6ezp

Today a local conservative and ICE agent who cried bloody murder when asked to wear a mask during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic clarified he’s actually totally fine with wearing masks as long as it’s to ruin lives, not save them: tinyurl.com/3pabcukx

“We tried remote, we tried hybrid, but after a lot of thought and investment in AI, we really think a full return to work somewhere else policy for everyone is the way to go,” said CEO Satya Nadella: tinyurl.com/3wareffr

Within hours of arriving in war-ravaged Portland, hundreds of National Guard troops are reportedly already lost at Powell’s Books: tinyurl.com/4mw4n9h2