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This is an instant classic.

👍🏼👌🏼 (Meta) Facebook, Instagram, Messenger, WhatsApp and X. These apps were used to recruit victims for Epstein’s Island. Shut them all down in the US until further notice #pedophile_trump #pedophile_prince_andrew Turn over all of the Epstein files #pedophile_musk #pedophile_zuckerberg #hookermelania

But he scored a 6 hr Epstein distraction.

Congratulations The Onion, you win Satire. 🔥🔥

Now this is how ya do it

Proceeds to insist he'll keep raping and pillaging the world, the US, and any kids he encounters.

hey can you dm me

Was the child rape even that much of a set-back for him?

Does Trump think that people are so stupid to go on vacation in an authoritarian country? We are talking about the United States! Have fun with empty stadiums at the World Cup. Do you actually understand that he only cares about his power and not about the people? Over and Out America

Are you just reporting news now?

Instant classic. Hot damn.

Even Andrew was arrested over abuse of office not abuse of child

He's diversified his portfolio, and further enraged himself with the forced diversity.

👏👏👏👏👏

oof

Good one!😊

You might think between losing the tariffs, and being called a child rapist, his pointy head would explode, or he'ld start to drool...

Lmao

🔥

Deranged, demented piece of filth in La Mesa working for Crunch Fitness. Witness intimidation, illegal surveillance, stalking, harassment, involved with grand theft and a number of other crimes. Goes by Miguel, nicknamed the "Psychopath of La Mesa" because of 1 year of insane, unstable behavior.

Best one in a long time people 😄

Way to keep going after taco!

Stuff happens 😉

Remember the Epstein Files!

Still no tariffs on sex traffickers yet.

The most unrealistic thing is that he'll suffer consequences.

💯 The SCOTUS made its ruling....but Epstein files will never go away. Trump has this tattooed on his forehead. Just saying

Astounding headline. Awful? Yes, in exactly the way the moment demands

Fuck Clarence Thomas

It's now only newsworthy when his setbacks are unrelated to child rape.

Screen shot everyone 202 224 3121

Child Rape is coming even the Supreme Court can't save him from it

Hello, 911? I’ve just witnessed a murder.

#SurelyThisWillBeTheThingThatTakesDownTrump

Perfect.

Shocking, amirite? Not really, child rape wasn’t a setback for him. 🤷‍♀️

Does the Onion have anyone under a 140 IQ on their team?

The post 9/11 headline “Hijackers Surprised to Find Selves in Hell” is my number 1.

And lutnick ponders nutlicking his cell mate...

Omg you went there

The justices that have proven to bend the knee to Trump and who are not working for Americans must be added to the IMPEACHMENT LIST! TRUMP KAVANAUGH ALITO THOMAS BONDI NOEM PATEL @oversightdemocrats.bsky.social @housedemocrats.bsky.social @democrats.senate.gov @democrats-judiciary.house.gov

The US Child Rape Agency, under DHHS, will be setting new guidelines on who can rape children and who can profit from it.

Onion, thank you for your service.

Sublime!

––———— NEVER FORGET✨˙ 🙌😼

Trump: "I can destroy a country. I can do whatever I want."

President Trump says: The constitutional judges are a disgrace to the people. I am ashamed of these judges. Here is the translation for all Americans: I don't give a shit about the constitutional judges, I don't give a shit about the constitution, I don't give a shit about the people.

Trump, Vance and .…….. are a total laughing stock, and it's getting worse. Where is the limit of stupidity? EVERYTHING! they touch, and latest - a hospital ship to a country that has BETTER healthcare for their citizens than the USA. Brainless! Then change that constitution - and become a democracy!

Be better if he suffered more setbacks about minors than minor setbacks.

The orange worm still wriggling.

Epic. 🏆

Congratulations. You have won the internet. I will be logging off for the day.

SCOTUS created a monster. now they wanna put it back in a bottle. Good luck.

Now, back to the #TrumpSteinFiles.

Pritzker suing Trump for $8,679,261 as REFUND OF TARIFFS on Illinois ! yes !!! Thats $1,700 for every family in Illinois :)

But like it’s not funny anymore. This is the biggest crime and human rights syndicate the world has ever seen.

Just looking at this picture. Clarence Thomas has to go. Alito too.

This... this is just news!

If anything, conservatives seem to worship him more for it

No , which is an utter, utter disgrace

Bra-fucking-vo

Right back on track: shorturl.at/pUYgo

Perhaps "in spite of" rather than "unrelated" would be more correct? 😈

Not a joke, unfortunately

They don't fucking miss.