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Too soon for the too soons.

This was a real headline in 2001 in another timeline...

~checks watch~ Hm, well, I guess it has been, like, 29 years...

“Paparazzi are rapists.” She says in explosive memoir written by the medium channeling her spirit. “I did have a private life worth protecting but everyone told me I was wrong. My worthless husband told me I didn’t deserve both him and control over who published my picture. So I left him.”

Omg I didn’t know she was still alive!

I think I missed the joke on this one, unless the joke is just that she is dead and this is impossible

That. Perhaps the article has additional jokes.

It's about goddamn time.

In other news, Franciso Franco is still dead.

🤨

500k Brits would buy this if you put it on the front of a newspaper. 2M if you sold it with a commerorative plate.

You must be new to The Onion.

Too late.

😭

More lives than a cat!

Too soon

Damn, man. Too soon!