Post

The Onion
@theonion.com

“Some of us will be asleep, some of us will just be confused, but know this: We will be crashing our cars into the side of a financial institution downtown.” — Leonard Kircher

theonion.comNation’s 93-Year-Olds Announce Plan To Crash Car Into Side Of BankWASHINGTON—In a joint statement outlining the mission shared by hundreds of thousands of elderly American citizens, the nation’s 93-year-olds announced a new plan this week to crash their cars into th...

83 reposts1K likes

Nobue Miyamatsu
@regg4.bsky.social

I’m not joking. I actually want elderly people to drive manual cars. The engine will stall if the clutch isn't engaged. There have been many similar accidents in Japan, and when I think of the victims, it’s no laughing matter.

Rarian Rakista
@rakista.bsky.social

My great grandpa Cardinal actually did this. The bank summoned a SWAT team, which wasn't too happy. His license had been revoked over a decade prior.

sessileraptor.bsky.social
@sessileraptor.bsky.social

Perpendicular parking and sidewalk seating, two things that do not go great together. A place near me had a drunken driver plow into the patio seating and kill a customer and a waitress. When they reopened the outdoor seating area it was separated from the parking lot by solid concrete barriers.

sessileraptor.bsky.social
@sessileraptor.bsky.social

Yeah they recently redid the main road near me. Converted it from 4 lanes to 2 lanes plus a turn lane and put in wider sidewalks and a grass verge separating the sidewalk from the road and it’s so much more pleasant to walk now. Used to have cars zipping by an arm’s length away.

20,000 years of this, seven more to go
@uhhhclem.bsky.social

A friend of mine was crushed against a bank wall in this exact scenario. Keeping her leg required 17 surgeries. She’s a badass, though, and she did so much physical therapy and exercise that she now does an annual distance swim in Lake Tahoe.