Ali Panting

Claudia encouraging me to use up the halloumi in my fridge: #traitors #thetraitors

Well I’ve just pissed myself so that should dampen the risk of any wildfires in my immediate area #governmentalert

Two unrelated announcements: - I’ve just finished Heated Rivalry - I’m moving to Montreal to play professional men’s ice hockey Thank you for your attention on this matter

Kudos to Neanderthal women for realising human men are best avoided approx 40,000 yrs before I did

If you live in the #GortonAndDenton constituency and haven't voted yet, but don't know who to vote for, the best tactical vote to keep out #ReformUK is the #GreenParty. Vote #Green for hope not hate. https://tactical.vote/gorton-and-denton/ #UKPol #UKPolitics #GortonAndDentonByElection

xbox live took stronger action against jeffrey epstein than the entire us government

Would you like an award-winning mash up of news and pop culture to deal with the current shitshow that the world is in? Well you’re in luck as a BRAND NEW series of #TheSkewer starts tonight 11.15 on BBC Radio 4. Also BBC Sounds. Enjoy.

We did it!!!!! Thank you Bluesky, you were incredibly helpful, Christmas magic achieved 😭✨🎄

Thank for the reposts and help! Looking for kids 2015/16 Barca kit, shorts and long sleeve top, horizontal stripes, 8-14y (ideally about 10-11y). The specifications are part of his deep and pervasive autistic special interest in football gear, not just him being a brat, promise!

If you randomly have this kids 2016 Barcelona kit in the back of your cupboard and can save Christmas in my house please get in touch 🤞

"I asked chatgpt--" Shut the fuck up. I asked the Lady of the Lake, and she said you are unworthy of the sword Excalibur. You will never be king.

Made a festive meme for 6 music dads

I’m off to south-east London to point out people’s character flaws. It’s Greenwich Mean Time

A bit from last night’s #TheSkewer on Radio 4: The Magic St George Roundabouts. Full ep www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/...

Brand new series of the award-winning satirical comedy #TheSkewer starts tonight on BBC Radio 4, 11.15pm. Expect the news, all remixed. *checks news to see if there is any* (also BBC Sounds) www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m...

Me and my esteemed newsreader colleague @hellsbells.bsky.social will be hosting a very serious and important alternative topical comedy gameshow tonight (Wednesday) at Grub in Manchester. We suggest you grab a ticket and join us www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/eat-the-ne...

WE WILL FEED YOU METAPHORICALLY WITH LAUGHTER

Worms probably say that about us and running

Fresh from the #ukarias win, don't miss the latest episode of #theskewer, Liability Lineker and The Eurovision Fishing Rights Contest. The news remixed. Welcome to The Skewer. Headphones on. 📅 Tonight ⏲️ 23:15 🎧 @BBCRadio4

This meeting could've been a kiss on the forehead

I'm watching the Parliamentary debate about the self-ID e-petition and my JAW IS ON THE FLOOR. The MPs speaking are hitting ALL the key pro-trans talking points: - transphobic bias in EHRC - nightmare of SC ruling - toilet bans are awful - must hear trans voices - IGLA rainbow map 1/

um this is going to be amazing

There’s nowt as queer as folk 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

This is so bloody clever and funny and insightful. Should be compulsory listening on standup courses

told my cockney mate I was pregnant with the world’s tallest land mammal, she said ‘you’re having a giraffe’

This is an excellent listen

we’re all here for a very short time, just do what makes you happy and don’t be a dick

🚨🚨🚨 (Don't usually do this kinda thing BUT) BLOOD STOCKS ARE CRITICALLY LOW. If you can, give blood. ❤️ www.blood.co.uk/news-and-cam...

This feels like a question for famous nature expert @hellsbells.bsky.social

A sheep that changes colour to match its background like a chameleon

Absolutely obsessed with both of these moments and I cannot pick a favourite #TheTraitors

Freddie channelling Delia is the best #Traitors twist so far #TraitorsUK #TheTraitors #TheTraitorsUK

A joyful discovery in Vondelpark Amsterdam 😃

The swiftness with which this series became a feminist death cult needs to be studied. I ADORE it. #TheTraitors #Traitors

My dad when it’s minus 7 outside and he catches me near the thermostat #TheTraitors #Traitors #TheTraitorsUK #TraitorsUK

My friend @hellsbells.bsky.social’s substack is essential and hilarious reading, please get involved open.substack.com/pub/helenbro...

Absolutely love how much treachery is featuring in messages to me this morning. It’s like I’m in a WW2 spy drama and the pavements are secretly the Gestapo

Reminder “oh my god, Becky look at her butt” passes the Bechdel test.

The Waitrose community tokens scheme has taken a dark turn #TheTraitors

BBC: will you do #TheTraitors s3 please? Winkleman: only if I can wear the pelt of a muppet and be carried aloft by gimps

Frankie accidentally summing up the state of western civilisation #TheTraitors

Planning a weekend away for my 40th in the summer with me and 3 mates, we want fun party times, cool culture, and to be in bed by 11pm. Do we choose: A. Berlin B. Amsterdam C. Reliving the very messy Leeds festival we attended age 17 (with the addition of luxury yurt, I’m not an animal)

The Waitrose community tokens scheme has taken a dark turn #TheTraitors

Think Freddie got lost on the way to the Love Island villa and accidentally ended up in #TheTraitors castle bless him