Bazecraze

Watching the Obama rally, then the Trump rally is like being at The Comedy Store at 9pm and then 1:40am.

Excited to be killed by a falling Tesla with a vape store wrap on it.

Also, singles in my area much less horny.

Do you love fall or do you have weird legs?

Mitch Connell: 1942-2026, 2026-???

They can’t replace you with AI if you don’t do anything.

I’m convinced there are game shows that only appear on my mother’s TV.

In a surprising turnaround, Fetterman announces “fire…good!”

“Hey, I’m Ronald Flump, the new trainee! So what do you guys think of the CEO?”

Trump inserting himself into this has strong Buddy Garritty vibes.

Spain with one huge goal. I would have expected a lot of little goals.

You’re not crazy if you talk to Mitch McConnell. You’re crazy if he talks back.

I’m from Arizona. I’ve been to plenty of Travis/Taylor weddings.

Never go into an ideological battle unarmed.

You’re gonna need a bigger Wemby

THREE missed flagrants on wemby this series now. idk man

Oh the 7’4” guy is good at basketball? Not impressed. Let me know when he’s a world-class jockey.

If the Knicks lose tonight, those fans are gonna J6 Trump Tower.

The New York Betablockers win!

Knicks in 3!

The chords A, F and E Minor have withdrawn from the White House concert.

Okay, but as long as he doesn’t touch the 37th rail of American politics…

He definitely wasn’t sure if anyone else could see them.

Please arrive 15 minutes early for your appointment so we can call you 41 minutes late and put you in a little room for 22 minutes and you can talk to a doctor for 4 minutes.

Has anyone written a sketch about coat check at the Met Gala?

Hiring some gunmen to get me out of a boring dinner.

No one should look in my crawlspace. I barely knew the Brooklyn Strangler.

You couldn’t have done that before I texted all my exes?

The president is crazy and no one is doing anything. Guess I’ll do my little errands.

Want to watch a British TV show? It either has 4 episodes or 9000 episodes.

The Stent of Hormuz

That’s the same color he’ll be on a coin.

Excursion is hell.

Congrats to Mark Waynemullin!

These guys wanting Jesus to come back is like the dumbest kid in class asking for a pop quiz.

This obviously very stupid but is it also smart? We’ll talk to some liars after this break.

Closing ceremony looking like the safety video on Alitalia.

All those reporters who report Trump’s “change in tone” get real quiet when it changes back.

These billionaires want to live forever to create larger age gaps and invent some kind of “super-pedophilia”.

Rams fans will be psyched when they learn about this win on TikTok in an hour.

Hell is gonna run out of special places.

Yes, mom, I’ve heard of Skechers.

We’re close to finding out if murdering the survivors of your war crime is the third rail of American politics.

Looking at headlines like “President vows to kill everybody” in between searching for the perfect sweater for my brother-in-law.

Strong floor, no ceiling, can’t win!

“This turkey is wet and soft!” -me, trying not to say moist.

Guys, I’ve been taking this new supplement and I gotta say, I feel exactly the same.

This is like a screen-freeze at the end of an 80s comedy. Cue “I Feel Good”.

Dow jumps 400 points after Trump says “I want the Dow to jump 400 points”.

I am ready to fall into savings.