The Kings of Restorin'

Dude it's cosmic levels of luck that my headphones broke this week and just now the backlight on the TV gave out

Just got word that Martin Freeman is coming over later to make a puzzled look

Ethan Klein jaunting his way over to bed with his affair partner but suddenly notices the tattoo of his wife start glowing on his arm

unsure if chris hansen is proship or antiship bc he stopped those pedophiles but he also cheated on his wife with a younger woman which is kind of pedo coded. i need to know if im allowed to sell acrylic chibi primetime keychains at anime central or if thats (shuffles papers around) diddy epstein?

I had a weird moment this morning realizing how very inconsequential things in life can outlast other aspects with much greater impact, you know, like friendships, moves, relationships. It's kinda crazy. Unfortunately the thing in question is a poorly drawn image of minion vore I found when I was 18

how it feels to get 3 fire reacts in the group chat

Turning off the work wifi so when I finally die and my estate publishes my fanfiction this place can't claim ownership

he's thinking about what it'll be like to be a big celebrity.

My two favs Shin and Noi from Dorohedoro🫀🔨🍜

Epic Games really going "I hate this part" and screaming as they pull a pizza out of the oven without oven mitts

20, 20, 24 hours to go I wanna be Sebulba

I can't lie when I'm leaving voicemails at work and start repeating the customer's number back to them part of me hopes the whole world will explode right then

VIGGO TARASOV: baba yogscast

Woe is me, I feel the itch to work on cool projects with people again ..... Actually I just feel the itch to work on any project at all

All I got for the world

what is wrong with him

Twice today have I looked at social media & had it kick me down the spiral. Each time it happened I sat and blamed the State of Things but I think what I'm realizing for the Nth time is that this shit really is designed to make you sad

heyyyyyyyyy *snuggles up to you*

Guy from the 16th century: wow the future must be an amazing place Me: it’s a parade of avoidable catastrophes and lots of anthropomorphic animal porn 16th c guy: which animals?

I fucking took one hit off the vase we call a bong and then decided to start a new game with a different controller scheme than Mario (the only thing I've played for the last month) so now I got Link whacking a tree branch against a tree til it breaks and then jumping once

I am very proud to announce I've finally hit the big leagues. I was recently approached by Lockheed-Martin and they are prepared to offer me $10 & a turkey sandwich to fart in a jar for a experiment they called "the Manhattan project 2"

Looking at my own pictures of food and screaming like a rabid dog

[meatspin clearly visible in the reflection of my glasses while i'm on a podcast]

Getting some crazy understall and you hear a third voice say "hey meta start recording"

John Spoink is hitting me up for some studio time

*bending over in jeans but convinced you can see my panties* a-aah! wh- *melange of mental illnesses takes over and i get self conscious about my reaction* [tony soprano voice] Hey what is yous some kinda prevert

An account with this avatar was just blocked.

Someone left behind some kind of spoiled dairy product at my job and the smell has traumatized me a bit. Everywhere I go I swear I can smell it and my heart drops

HEV SUIT VOICE Woke Detected. Fentanyl Administered.

Matt relinquishing control of Automattic to focus full time on his passion of doing ketamine and harassing trans women online

Little does the average person know you gotta use echolocation to find the clitoris

got soap in my eyes in the shower & now light mode websites are making me scream

Has anyone else heard that Charmin strangles 14,000 cats and dogs per quarter? Can anyone confirm this

Had a dream that I was at my parent's house making a weed kit. The kit featured a "list of my enemies" and the only name on it was Gandalf