Damnit, Amanda

Look, I have a perfectly good reason for crying in a Dollar Tree

I don't know if I can be autistic because I don't have a special interest. Anyway I'm off to watch Taskmaster from season 1 to season 22 for the fifth time in a row.

I really need to learn to drive like I live in a school school and go to work in a school zone and also work at a school

I have to go to active shooter training drills tomorrow. At the middle school where I work.

Making a thread of disabled artists because a lot of AI "artists" use disabilities as a defense for using the theft machine and are really quick to call you ableist for calling out that bullshit You dont need to be of able body and or mind to create.

Granted, it's been almost 30 years since I was in middle school, but I certainly don't remember it having the plethora of unaliving awareness posters like the one I work in now does.

Tell me Why. The. Actual. Fuck my American mother AND father are the hospital in Uganda, hooked up to IVs, because they have fucking malaria. AGAIN.

Istg social media has me thinking that maybe I've been wrong about possessive and plural forms this whole time.

My Uber driver today drove like time is money and life is meaningless

I wonder if Taskmaster contestants have a safe word.

I'm so glad that there aren't any cameras where I work. It prevents me having an awkward conversation with HR about exactly how often I walk halfway across a room and then have to recalibrate.

I still can't believe that I'm in charge of the free middle school summer lunch program. I mean, yes, I'm certified and capable and not evil, but like, honestly idk who made that decision.

[nervous whisper] Don't tell Alex but I think I like Australian Taskmaster more than the original

Today I drove 70 miles to take a three mile walk on a two mile trail and drove 85 miles home because I'm bad at the third dimension. Also the tail was a tunnel.

I don't mean to be controversial, but prosecco and prosciutto need to get together and decide which one of them is changing their name. I'm sick of getting cured ham in my Bellinis.

I've decided I'm moving to Georgia just so I can vote for Ossoff

My painting DARK STORM

Oh no I got high and started thinking about immunology again

Today I warded off a third grader's emotional meltdown by carving an apple into a pokeball

I just taught a class of 12 neurospicy 9 year olds how to make California rolls. If you need me, I'll be staring at the wall in my room with the lights off

Not everyone has the skills to go from swimming in the Great Lakes in the morning to getting lost in white-out fog in the mountains of West Virginia at midnight but I still managed to pull it off

More animals should be bumble, not just bees

Now my mom has malaria

My dad has malaria (again), my mom is spending all her savings on homeopathy, my sister has an eating disorder, my brother is an alcoholic, and gluten makes my tummy hurt

Me: ugh I've gained so much weight. Also me: *fries peanut butter and pickle sandwich in mayonnaise for breakfast*

I took an Adderall today so I can actually get shit done, which just means that instead of putting away the laundry, I'm going to try on all my clothes and then reorganize the entire closet.

Just wanted to remind y'all that cooking for Ladies Who Brunch is my real life job that I do for real life money and before my shift I enjoy a nice peanut butter, berry jalapeno jelly, pickle, chili crisp, orange slice sandwich. On gluten free bread, oc. And a Fresco, because I'm fucking fancy.

I have an amazing husband. He's so much better than I deserve. There's basically no way God is real because my husband would be married to a billionaire supermodel if there was anybody in charge of things.

I have a waxing appointment. I'm telling my husband I'm getting my hair done, which is technically true, and then wait for him to tell me my hair looks great.

Throughout all of human history, people would have burned entire empires and sold their own children to attain the true miracle of amoxicillin. But also going to CVS is kind of a pain in the ass.

Joel Dommett - Taskmaster Series 21

Feed cleanse

I wrote a review on VRBO that I felt unsafe staying in the property and now my YT feed is full of self defense and psychological manipulation videos

I'm out of olive oil and my boobs hurt.

I just met a woman who brings all her cardboard boxes to the Humane Society for the cats to sit in.

Got a pill box and finally have a use for the stickers I've had forever

Cold blooded killer

I ugly cried for the entirety of the final four Colbert episodes. What a brilliant, kind, empathetic, generous, joyous, and talented man. A national treasure. Ellison and Trump are cowards who deserve every bit of derision he served them and more.

I had more books than shelves and my husband had more pokemon cards than binders, so we both rectified our lack of storage and spent the day arranging our respective joys into rows and columns and admiring the results.

Uninstalled Rocket Money after it told me how spoiled my dog is.

My husband is insisting that middle schoolers are more likely to know Sweet Caroline than Seven Nation Army. Y'all.

Not trying to be controversial or anything, but I fully support kicking the absolute shit out of people who throw rocks at animals. www.surfer.com/news/tourist...

My favorite hobby is walking around the house trying to find a singular pair of reading glasses that I buy in bulk.

I asked my mom if she had any mother's day plans and she said, "No, Dad has malaria and I'm going furniture shopping tomorrow" Anyway, enjoy your normal, socially stable families.