dbcoop68.bsky.social

dbcoop68.bsky.social

@dbcoop68.bsky.social

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The Onion
@theonion.com

GOP Lawmakers Watch Silently As Trump Strangles Each Of Their Loved Ones In Turn theonion.com/gop-law...

theonion.comGOP Lawmakers Watch Silently As Trump Strangles Each Of Their Loved Ones In TurnWASHINGTON—Opting to take more of a wait-and-see approach instead of rushing to pass judgment, Republican lawmakers reportedly looked on in silence Tuesday as President Trump worked his way through each of their families and, one by one, strangled all their loved ones to death. “After I watched the president slowly and methodically squeeze the life out of my wife’s body as she gasped, futilely, for breath, he gave me his personal assurance that he was not responsible for her death, so I continue to stand by this administration,” said Rep. Scott DesJarlais (R-TN), who along with every Republican in both the House and Senate stated that while killing off their families in cold blood might not be entirely proper, it was certainly not an impeachable offense, no matter how the media tried to spin it. “Now, this is not an action I would have taken myself. I personally would not have wrapped my hands around my 5-year-old son’s neck and crushed his windpipe. But if Donald Trump’s approach to governing is sometimes a bit outside the ordinary, that’s because Donald Trump is no ordinary president. And maybe that’s not such a bad thing.” Later, with his beloved sister’s face turning purple as the commander-in-chief asphyxiated her with a length of barbed wire, Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC) appeared on several television news networks and said impeaching the president for her imminent death would be “insane.”

dbcoop68.bsky.social reposted

The Onion
@theonion.com

Trump Says Recession Unfortunate But Necessary Step To Get To Depression theonion.com/trump-s...

theonion.comTrump Says Recession Unfortunate But Necessary Step To Get To DepressionWASHINGTON—Warning that Americans should brace themselves for an economic “period of transition,” President Donald Trump told reporters Monday that a recession would be an unfortunate but necessary step on the way to all-out depression. “Look, what we’re doing is very big and will cause some pain, but that pain is necessary to cause total economic […]

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Jon Cooper
@joncooper-us.bsky.social

Trump is greedy, corrupt, cruel, idiotic and — worst of all — a fascist. Musk is greedy, corrupt, cruel, idiotic and — worst of all — a fascist. Any questions?

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Aaron Rupar
@atrupar.com

Garcia: "I find it ironic that our chairman, Rep. Greene, is in charge of running this committee. In the last Congress, Chairwoman Greene literally showed a dick pic in our Oversight hearing, so I thought I'd bring one as well. This, of course, is President Elon Musk ... "

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T. Greg Doucette
@gregdoucette.bsky.social

➡️ January 20: FAA director fired ➡️ January 21: Air Traffic Controller hiring frozen ➡️ January 22: Aviation Safety Advisory Committee disbanded ➡️ January 28: Buyout/retirement demand sent to existing employees ➡️ January 29: First American mid-air collision in 16 years Making America Great Again!

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Alex Blechman
@alexblechman.bsky.social

Senator: I’ll speak in his defense because to err is human. Who among us hasn’t shown up drunk to work? Who here hasn’t cheated on their wife? Hegseth: Please stop helping me Senator: Who hasn’t taken off their pants at the zoo?

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