lukelukeluke

Every story needs a weirdo in it

I don’t like to see people age, don’t age in front of me please

People say things like “just relax, be yourself” like which one do you want

give a clumsy man a fish and he will drop the bass

Oo I like the new profile link-buttons

One fun thing about me is if you leave the gate unlocked I’ll escape

I’m working on my own sequel to a classic literary novel and I won’t say which book it continues but the title is “Medium Women”

PS follow @lukelukeluke.bsky.social on Patreon for shiny mushroom stickers and coloring pages and post cards and word searches all using original mushroom photography 🍄

(Me as a boxing announcer) Ok so they’re punching, they’re punching, they’re STILL punching, wow they’ve been punching a long time- wait! wait! they’re hugging! I think they’re working it out! Oh no they’re punching again dang

Micro dosing haircuts by having my barber cut a single tiny snip every day forever

What do you mean “I mix up common sayings”? You must be pulling my pork

Here are some nice mushrooms

Me: what’s that black bird with the red on its wings called Bird watcher: that’s a red winged blackbird Me: holy shit

I got weasels “You mean measels?” *several large lumps slide around under my skin, chittering and chasing each other* I wish

Last night three ghosts appeared and taught me the true meaning of toyotathon

Touching grass is not enough I need to fight a raccoon over a pizza crust

I do wish my life were more like a fairytale. Just me and 23 of my closest friends, baked in a pie, waiting to do a jump scare on some king.

me to a person at the park: Hello me to a goose at the park: Hellonk

Me: what’s this “enlightenment” I keep hearing about Monk: it’s peace with all things and the cessation of desire Me: ok I did it Monk: what? Me: I achieved enlightenment Monk: that’s not possible Me, enlightenedly: yes it is you big idiot

It’s called pooping maybe you’ve turd of it

I love going bird watching because you can be out with the most somber man you’ve ever met and he’ll turn to you and say something like “look, a big breasted muff diver” and then turn back to his binoculars as if there’s nothing funny about that at all

Domino’s is trying but they can’t stop making pizza “Try Domino’s new Breadsticks! Dip them in Marinara! Try them with cheese and pepperoni on top! FUCK THAT’S PIZZA AGAIN!”

happy spooky month 🎃

Her: I heard you were the lowest rank in the army Me: that’s private

A good friend of mine is in the running for this contest, if you have Facebook please vote! The contest is to appear in a nationwide commercial and includes a cash prize. Jay’s an actor and on the road with his fam making every dollar stretch, this would be huge! www.facebook.com/share/1QPkqy...

DOCTOR *handing me my baby*: make sure you support her head ME: I intend to support this entire child, doctor

Met the guy who waters the forest today, “Hehe you found me!” He said, “Have a prize, young flesh tree!” And kissed me full on the mouth. Nice man.

We fucked up as a species by not hibernating for the winter. That sounds a-fucking-mazing right about now.

If someone told me I was the “weakest link” on national television I would shake my head and say “no I am not”

Who called it “gas escaping a dead body” and not “letting one RIP”

Bit of a non-story here

Who up grinding bones to make their bread

[going through the desert] ME: what’s your name? HORSE: don’t have one ME: I’m gonna call you Clippy Cloppy HORSE: you will not

Know your worth