FR🎃 V🎃

hey just a reminder that if you need any fun and different greeting cards check out my store at doodlybugstudio.etsy.com :)

4:20 blaze it

ME: the sky turned blue after god did a gender reveal party for jesus THE POPE: *flipping through bible* what page is that on

it's called deja vu maybe it's called deja vu maybe you've heard of it

"i'll be back" --arnold schwarzenegger getting into a 2-man horse costume

Word of warning if you’re thinking of buying the old gray mare…

perfect, no notes

sometimes, if they’ve been good, i’ll let the groceries ride up in the front of the car with me

It's National Lie Down For A Bit Day

so is there a mister sippi

it's called a palindrome maybe you've heard of iti fo draeh

I hate when boxing announcers say a boxer is "down for the count." I don't care that he loves Dracula I just want to know who's winning

Brazil having a lollapaLula

Sagittarius: People come into your life for a reason, a season or a vendetta.

she’s either a sorceress or an enchantress i don’t know witch

it's called the grapevine maybe you've heard through it

GHOST: boo OBAMA: don't boo, vote

I Can’t Believe It’s Not A Double Negative

you believe in witch doctors? shaman you

Steven: “Good evening” Stephen: “Good ephening”

it's called being a hipster maybe you've probably never heard of it

Amazing if literal: pizza joint

it’s called a sleeping gorilla because shape was taken

Why doesn't anyone think about the jinns?

I love how the first thing I have to do now with new software is find the "tell AI to fuck off" setting

ME: it’s tissue for your tush so it should be called tussue CHARMIN BEAR: *mauls me*

'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my treehouse door." Quoth the Piglet, "It's Eeyore!" - Edgar Allan Pooh

If I put on a mood ring right now, it would level the city

By age 35, your 500-foot burial pyramid should already be 80% complete.

it's called no evil maybe you've heard seen or spoken about it

BEE: *goes into hive* honey i’m home

[jeopardy] Host: the capital of ohio Me: columbus Host: form of a question please Me: O L C U M B U S

it's called gossip maybe you've overheard of it

ALBERT EINSTEIN: question everything GUY ABOUT TO INVENT JEOPARDY: okay

give a clumsy man a fish and he will drop the bass

Me: "Don't you dare" sounds perfectly normal but "do not you dare" sounds absolutely ridiculous which is insane because "don't" is a contraction for "do not." Doctor: I meant is anything bothering you physically

A. Gerald enjoys museums B. Scott enjoys museums C. Gerald loves antiquing D. Scott loves antiquing E. Gerald fits Scott F. Scott Fitzgerald

I killed a mosquito on my car dashboard and left the carcass to remind myself I accomplished at least one thing today

MOM BIRD: so if all of the other birds suddenly flew out of the tree would you do it t*all of the birds suddenly fly out of the tree*

grok, who is really pulling the strings