Elessaelis

Aww, nuts.

Make America Sick Again

This metaphor is so on the nose that if this happened in a movie, my eyes would roll a 360 all the way around my skull.

Thank you, sincerely and with all my heart, to everyone who worked tirelessly over the last two years to make sure I got this ballot. I admit I got a little emotional when it showed up. #Denver #CO #Election2026

I attended orientation for election volunteers today, and not a single person in line in front of me had ever volunteered to work a #Denver election before. People are ready to go. We're just waiting for the light to turn green. #Election2026 #CO

This might be the greatest email I've ever gotten. #Denver #CO #Election2026

Experience as a legislator means nothing if they don't understand the bills they're passing. This is how Mitch McConnell can legislate with one foot in the grave. He's never been in charge of his own office.

Every time I get an email from Jared Polis's office, I instinctively think, "What does that fucker want now?"

All four supporting acts have backed out of Ed Sheeran’s tour, including his own backing band. www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026...

My teenager told me most of her friends mock 9/11 in a dark-humor kind of way. I'm glad they do. Young people shouldn't have to live with it forever, even if old people have decided that's exactly what we're gonna do. #Sept11

MapQuest just hit #1 in the U.S. App Store after refusing to rename Lake Ontario. While #Google #Maps bends to political pressure, users are flocking to the anti-Google choice — downloads up 10x. #Map #Quest #Lake #Ontario

Your nightmare was found in recent leak on the dark web. We recommend changing your dreams

Welp, if the FDA says so... So be it.

The Milo stuff is the perfect picture of fascism. You think you're protected because you go as big as you can on racism, you spend years harassing the movement's perceived enemies, you even disavow your own sexuality. They'll still throw you in a cage over the tiniest disagreement already forgotten.

Consider this my petition to rename every damn lake in the United States Lake Ontario.

the year is 2027. gas costs $83 and lettuce is at war with us. however every location on every map now says AMERICA

"Corporations have the freedom to live in a world without borders or social responsibility, to own property no individual can claim and to control a one world government and legal system. This has had insupportable consequences for the world's resources and individual rights. " — Heather Marsh

I’m doing my part.

"Mr. President, all these famous 80-year-olds keep dying and then the entire nation says great things about them."

OMG. This is a nightmare. #Nepal #Tibet

I'm glad I haven't seen a single bad thing about Dolly Parton in my feed in two days. Tells me my block lists are holding up.

Let him tear it down. It's mostly a vanity project and grift now anyway. #KennedyCenter

Now Tim Curry? I'm starting to think certain people really aren't in the claw machine.

FFS, I hate this year. RIP, Dolly. #DollyParton

Translation: "We're worried that being the oppressive fist of a fascist regime is hurting our rep, but the pay and food are good."

Spider-Man beating the shit out of Jake Lang is my 2026 spirit animal.

Per my last tablet

I remember being told I shouldn't celebrate Luigi Mangione because I wouldn't like living in a lawless society. I hope everyone who said that feels goofy af right now.

Their commanders should be the ones hurling themselves overboard.

Mr. Bin Face? Lord Bin Face? Sir Bin Face? I don't care. I'm feelin' the Face.

Jimothy 2028

Minnesota gets shit done

I do not like occupying the mind of Donald Trump. it sucks here. it doesn't even suck in an interesting way. I live in the neuroses of a profoundly boring man.

I'm so old that I'm not sure whether I've ever seen this Jared Leto guy in anything.

#Fauci looks great for an 85-year-old man. Must be all that science.

Dr Fauci’s biggest sin was he told the truth to a bunch of ppl who would rather be lied too

For the record, if I want a high-protein breakfast, I won't reach for the Cheerios. No one asked for this.

Too bad Mitch McConnell couldn't take a break from his intensive physical therapy schedule to attend Lindsey Graham's funeral.

Lindsey Graham so fucking deserves this.

Nathan Matthews has made the ultimate sacrifice in serving Colorado by fighting the Snyder Fire. I am thinking of his family and so sorry for their loss. His memory will live on as a blessing. www.denverpost.com/2026/07/25/f...

Hear me out. Beshear could find a way to expose the McConnell lie AND decline to fill his seat.

They always had the money to house the homeless. They just didn't want to.

My departed father can rest easy knowing the “Brooklyn” Dodgers are once again more hated than the Yankees.

The next time Mitch McConnell is trending, there had better be pics of Andy Beshear snorting that motherfucker's ashes.