Certified Pre-Owned Lib

"Persons being deported may be sent to countries other than their country of origin." That is some deeply dystopian shit.

Just a few years ago this guy was considered a somewhat mainstream DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENTIAL NOMINEEE

There is literally NOTHING in this world that will send this guy off more than a TV personality slighting him even a little bit. It is remarkable. That we have not wrenched the nuclear codes away from him before Ryan Seacrest starts WW3 is a total indictment on the entire fucking system

We all like to make our jokes and talk about AI becoming Skynet or whatever, but I don't think we talk nearly enough about simply how inhuman it has made ostensibly smart people in a SHOCKINGLY short period of time and the danger that sort of influence poses. I'd rather deal with the nukes.

Absolutely cursed post. Every single word less comprehensible than the last

I hate it when you're watching one of your normal ass shows and someone decides to do A Art I'm looking at you, The Diplomat

Me not NOT disavowing the Muslim Brotherhood

Wait did we...re-invent a very simple round thing?

The next democratic presidential nominee needs to be running on a STRONG platform of breaking up these corporations and publicly funding responsible journalism or GTFO Yeah, it's going to hurt A LOT. They're going to twist your coverage and tank hard for Vance or whoever. Stay the course

Look, he's obviously RIGHT but he literally can't get through the opening sentence without giving them all the ammunition they need to shut down the debate and say "BIDEN DID IT FIRST NANANANANANA I CAN'T HEAR YOOOOOU!" Legacy Dems are just SO FUCKING BAD at this...

Not only this, but he's doing it at the cost of roughly 0.03% of his net worth. He's made it back 10 times over before the check clears This would be like if you had $100,000 in the bank and you donated $30 to a political campaign But tell me again why we can't tax billionaires' wealth

Ever come across a new fact that you didn't know was true but that you ABSOLUTELY KNEW WAS TRUE?

I love when people say stuff like "I've never used algebra in my life!" You use it CONSTANTLY. The actual value of it isn't in finding random values for X but in how it wires your brain No one cares what the volume of the sphere is. They want to know if you can think through a complex problem

I don't know what a Lainey Wilson is, but it is very funny for her that she is in a moment where she's either that chick with the biggest hit song of all time or Kash Patel's weird Canadian girlfriend and NO ONE will ever know the difference

An extra special congratulations to Maryland representative @repaprildelaney.bsky.social who "regrets" voting for the bill. Hey April, get bent!

You simply don't "revel" in "death" at all That's it. That's just being a human. You don't do that and you're like 90% of the way there and the rest is chalk

Look like whatever but people are in comas all the time. No one has ever pretended being in a coma was the same as being dead and in the afterlife. 18 days in a coma is just some normal ass medical shit. No one else got butt fucked by fire horse Jesus during an ICU stay

Gavin Newsome just on an unprecedented roll of self owns. Legendary shit

"It's fine - it's just another Vietnam" - Trump 2028

Everyone's making their little Hegseth jokes and it doesn't even move the needle anymore that senior government officials are standing in front of cameras and shouting outright slurs with absolutely no repercussions It makes me physically ill

And all of this could have been avoided by simply telling Robert Kraft, one of the shittiest human beings ever, to go fuck himself. You wouldn't even need to make a statement about Palestine. Just "Fuck off, Bob"

The bigger story is how come we kept this guy off national televion for so long! CALIENTE! 🌶️🌶️🌶️

They think slavery was good and we should do it again!

So are we just not calling it Eli Lilly anymore what with all of the wrongful deaths?

So THIS is Australia's national anthem?

Assuming the FIRST problem is that they're just going to be SO FUCKING GOOD that they sweep all of the awards...

But you guys when has Donald Trump ever promised to pay someone and... I'm sorry, sir, where are you taking me? Please let go of my arms. SIR. I said SIR!

That this is all set to jump off literally at the instant boomers all die is simply a chefs kiss from the universe You motherfuckers...

Can people not Google "Nathan Fielder"? He's been doing this for almost 2 decades now. It's like getting got by Ali G

This would be the joke if you were the absolute worst hack joke writer ever and you had just had several major strokes in rapid succession. Why would a state IN America be NEW AMERICA? And do you not know ANY OTHER WORDS? Call it "Freedom Land" or "Eagle Bluff" or literally ANYTHING ELSE?

We sat by and watched elected Senators swear up and down that this guy was serious and not a full on nutjob who would bring 4chan level conspiracy theories into the DOH. He played nice for like 3 mo this and now we're in full Lala Land. Where are the fucking consequences?

Some days the universe just gives you a little gift @davidjroth.bsky.social

here is the thing. if you tell me that you believe that race is a biological category and that it is a guide to the objective superiority and inferiority of groups of people, i am not calling you a racist to *insult* you, i am calling you a racist because it best describes your beliefs.

Boomers are the weirdest generation because objectively they are the most affluent bloc in the history of the world and yet they are the most personally offended by pointing that out to them. They think they earned it way more than any other group and if you imply otherwise WATCH OUT

"No, Mr President, no one can see your big boy pants. Absolutely no one can tell that you are the biggest boy who only needs a little extra help with potty emergencies but it's OKAY because you're trying really hard and we still love you even if you can't always make it to the bathroom."

Hahaha aren't trans people all stupid liars? Nailed it

Knowing she'll be excised from the actual league any day now and will turn that fact regardless of how little talent she ever had into a lifelong martyrdom complete with speaking fees in perpetuity at the JK Rowling Institute for Bigots

Oh after 92 minutes do these two ugly ducklings somehow against all odds fuck? Please take my $18

The entire nation collectively shat it's pants over Joe Biden stumbling over a few lines in a nationally televised debate. This guy is actively starting foreign wars RIGHT NOW

75 years ago these cultists would have all already taken the pill. They know the corporate wing will never go away and forgive any moral trangression so long as their profits are protected. They're waiting out the oldest boomer zealots to die. There are like 2-3 more cycles to white knuckle

Since this can never be reiterated enough: This is like if you had $10,000 in your bank account and you donated ONE DOLLAR to a political campaign. That is what this amount of money feels like to Musk

So we can't dislike this one because she's white, we can't dislike Hakeem Jeffries because he's black, and we can't vote for Muslims whose platforms we agree with because of woke... Am I all caught up?

"Old man gets a letter with a clerical error regarding a municipal tax issue and has to make one single phone call to clear it up. Film at 11."

This idiot just thought up profit sharing in 2026 He's also apparently worth $10 billion. Feel like if he had put his money in a commercial savings account back in 2000 he would be worth about 10 times that

This should be the biggest political scandal in the history of the republic. Playing semantic math games with dead troops? These people have families who will talk to the press. I am absolutely dumbfounded...

Clearly the biggest problem we face is that the wealthy don't have enough say in our political system