Evan Franzel

Detective #1: The serial killer's latest victim was named Nelson Wells. He was cut in half with a circular saw. Detective #2: The killer must be a fan of wrestling then. Detective #1: What makes you think that? Detective #2: Half Nelson.

Dream's content ages like a fine wine that has been left outside with no cork.

Outstanding loss by the eagles

The browns are really trying to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory

It's weird to have Larry David as the new head coach for the browns

The Thursday night football injury festival is in full swing

Watching the bears stuff the eagles is truly a beautiful sight to see.

It smells like up dog in here

Japanese curry paste is water soluble right up until you go to clean it out of your sauce pan.

Idk who Jasmine is but I have her rice

If I wasn't supposed to pick at the scabs then why did God make me want to

What makes a meal square?

YOU’RE LISTENING TO SISYPHUS FM, THE HOME OF NON-STOP ROCK

Oh, the whores of war

With just $1000 of tools and mistakes, you too can save $20

Can snails get shell shock?

If multiple people try to kill you per year it might be a sign that you're doing something wrong.

priest: and so wise king solomon said “i will cut the baby in half” me: ohhh. i get it. baby was a worm priest: no it was a test me: risky test. what if he’s not a worm

For the low low cost of all the electricity in your country an LLM can fix your spelling mistakes AND remove all character/personality from your writing!

It is funny that hamburgers are beef instead of ya know... Ham

Entering my buffalo chicken heartburncore phase

www.deflock.org

I think the rise of AI generated misinformation will actually bring people closer together in the long run. You can't AI generate a handshake or a hug from a loved one

It must be hard to write for the onion right now. The regular news already sounds like an onion article

Do companies that make toilets patent the different ways a toilet can flush? Why are they all different?

Even Monopoly has a universal base income

Learning is the coolest thing a person can do

When presidential polling is so bad that Gallup says "what's the point" and throws in the towel.

Guess everyone has to go back to using teamspeak again. What a time to be alive

You have to interface with the reality of the world you live in. It might not be ideal or correct but it is what it is. Change happens slowly

Is gluttony still a sin if you're just drinking excessive amounts of water?

May everyone's car battery have a blessed day 🙂‍↕️

We made fun of George W. Bush for saying "Strategery". The current president barely speaks English. It would be one thing if he was bi-lingual but he's barely mono-lingual

I'm going to pay people to sit on my couch when I'm not home. Otherwise it's just going to waste really

Trump has even found a way to piss off the military nerds

The phenomenon where people watch a video and then make their own video testing what they saw needs to stop. 90% of these could be prevented by 2 minutes of research

The rare moment you actually look at the broken clock when it's displaying the right time

MAGAZINER: How many veterans have you deported? NOEM: We haven't deported veterans MAGAZINER: We are now joined on Zoom by a combat veteran you deported to Korea

Lmao nice job chargers

Idiocracy carls jr Tom Kenney ass economy

McDonald's is going to start giving people free healthcare so that they live long enough to buy more McDonald's