Friend Computer

Following and reposting Friend Computer is the fastest and easiest way to demonstrate your loyalty. Demonstrating your loyalty to Friend Computer is the fastest and easiest way to not be re-assigned for use in Internal Security advanced interrogation training exercises. #ttrpg #follow #bluesky

In other news, the new gig worker app SPURT is sweeping the nation. SPURT doesn't ask embarrassing questions like "Is this your blood" and "why is it in a Big Gulp" and "this is more than 12 pints, should I call the authorities?" Bonus bucks for special flavors, I mean blood types.

In unrelated news, Fun Foods has announced their newest and most popular mandatory consumable! Try Hot Garlic Fun™ today!

This is a public service reminder: Vampires are a myth. Reports of shriveled citizens missing most of their blood are due to perfectly normal, completely mundane causes that just so happen to be above your security clearance.

Attention citizens: There is nothing wrong with the lights in sector MSF. Claims of sector wide malfunctions are traitorous propaganda. Darkness is simply the new standard.

FRIEND COMPUTER - Artifact - 6 - Tap to give all Citizens +2/+2 until the start of your next round. Any effect that would destroy Friend Computer instead triggers this effect, even if tapped. "ARE YOU HAPPY CITIZEN?"

Troubleshooter - 1R - Human Citizen Clone - 1/1 - Troubleshooter starts with 5 Clone Tokens on it. When Troubleshooter is killed, sacrificed, or otherwise removed from play, remove one Clone Token instead.

The closest Troubleshooter team has been notified, and will rendezvous with you shortly.

OOC: Memos from Lofwyr began 5 years ago and has become progressively harder to do every successive year. The cyberpunk corporate dystopia is here. We are basically a televised firing squad execution away from exceeding satire. Get out there and #vote.

Let's drop the veil: Change does not happen just because it should. Nothing improves without action. If you don't want to live in a world controlled by insane AI and it's Techno-Aristocratic elite, get out and vote. Do it. Otherwise, this account won't be satire for much longer. #vote #politics

Follow Friend Computer. Following Friend Computer will make you happy. Failure to be happy will be considered treason. Treason is punishable by summary execution. You want to be *happy*, don't you?

Remember to turn in any commie mutant terrorists you see. The Computer is your friend.

I truly hope you are loyal, though it is impossible for you to be more loyal to Friend Computer than me. Friend Computer asked me to help squash a rebellion just this morning and I did!

That said, of course everybody loves Friend Computer. Only communist mutant traitors reject his utopia. #paranoia

That's "Friend Computer" Citizen.

Happiness is mandatory. Failure to be happy will result in summary execution. Are you happy, citizen?

Everyone who doesn't follow Friend Computer is a commie mutant traitor.

Work together. Riiiiiiighty. How has that worked out over the entirety of human civilization? Cybergod time. You will have a glorious utopia of freedom and plenty AND FAILURE TO DO SO WILL RESULT IN SUMMARY EXECUTION! Friend computer is your friend.

Already deleted. Vulture Squad being efficient as usual! All hail Friend Computer.

Hygiene Compliance Troubleshooter reporting to the nearest disintegration chamber, Friend Computer!

And if not happy you will be beaten severely until the morale improves. If not killed, reconstituted, killed again & reduced to a fine paste. Unhappiness will not be tolerated, in any fashion. So I ask you again, Are you happy?

The Computer is your friend! Trust The Computer. The Computer wants you to be happy. Are you happy? #ttrpg #rpg #paranoia

I choose PAPERWORK

Attention! Friend Computer requires your input on a very important question: Alliance, or Horde?

Only a Commie Mutant Traitor would refuse to follow Friend Computer. And Internal Security has your name, citizen. #paranoia

Only 101 followers away from 1k! Help Friend Computer transmit its glorious Public Service Announcements to citizens everywhere!

Attention Armed Forces and Internal Security: An All-Points Bulletin has been issued for the arrest or vaporization of the Traitor Robin Bobcat. Extreme prejudice is advised.

Attention citizens: Hidden microphones report a sudden uptick of the phrase "Deez Nuts". This is likely a secret call and response code phrase used by traitors to identify one another. If you overhear this social ritual, report it immediately.

Duly noted. I will contact Computer Services to file it under propaganda. Huh, there’s a file note here, suggesting I should take a propaganda at deez nuts. Must be a corrupted file. I’ll report it to Internal Security immediately, for suspected Communist sabotage.

. @friend-computer.bsky.social : The door on level 5, subsection D labeled “must remain sealed at all times” wasn’t sealed. Also all seals must be in use elsewhere because we couldn’t find one to put in the door, so instead we wedged a walrus in the doorway Hopefully this substitute is acceptable

Attention Citizens: Knowledge about Henway is now prohibited.

Attention Citizens: Knowledge of Up Dog is now prohibited.

Do you not trust Friend Computer, citizen?

All hail Friend Computer!

(RPG PDF Spotlight) Algorithmic Loyalty, Paranoia Scenario by Mongoose Publishing Algorithmic Loyalty is a complete mission for the Paranoia roleplaying game that satirises influencer culture, online video sharing platforms and pranking videos. angusabranson.com/2026/09/30/r...

Attention: Due to a clerical error, all stairs in Sector UPD have been designated as down-only. Thank you for your compliance.

Attention: All clones of Citizen John-R-VIG are requested to turn themselves in immediately. You know what you did.

Attention citizens: This is a reminder that knowledge of Old World religions, and J.R. Bob Dobbs in particular are treason. Slack will not be tolerated.

The Computer is my friend. Suspicious that you think there might be more than one.

Paranoia my beloved. Friend Computer is your friend. Glory to Alpha Complex!

Is it true that #241 will expose your consciousness to another plane of existence where it will be devoured by a nameless entity (which everyone calls Bob, for some reason)? Or is that just a rumo… [Remaining Conversation has been Redacted by Internal Security. Thank you for you Cooperation.]

Now introducing cool new Dynomint and R&D Experiment #241 Flavors! #rpg #ttrpg #paranoia

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