kitten

noah wyle isn't even the sexiest guy on his own show. if you're going to pick a notorious douchebag with a weird reputation at least pick someone who arguably *is* the sexiest man alive like Simu Liu or something

Your aunt edited the Arabic-to-English translation of Naguib Mahfouz's Cairo Trilogy. It won the Nobel Prize.

In retrospect AI boomer slop makes minion memes look like outsider art

I do numbers

Self-care brain has robbed a lot of people (esp. me) of spontaneity, I think. This new friend I have who I only recently got to know has already become one of the first people I'll text to ask to join me for something, because he's a near-guaranteed yes. It's so refreshing. Just a cool trait to have

libido kicked in crazy this weekend and now I am a reply guy oops

don't cry because it's bolsonover, smile because it's lulappening

Hey Chicago guys can we have a theme party based around this please. I think they call it a buck cake?

I don’t know who hila Klein is but if she’s anything like Eva Braun then I don’t care

Damn dude I really like putting my friends’ penises in my mouth

Being naturally gifted at something whose industry you have no ability navigate is like being given really expensive software that only runs on a computer that doesn't exist in your country

it's really easy to find a clip of Trisha Paytas saying something that seems prophetic because she's basically like if 1000 Monkeys with 1000 Typewriters was one person

Name a non-LotR character who is a cool and good person but would nevertheless set land speed records for getting fucked up by the One Ring.

Greatest revisionist history film ever made

Remember when Disney put Semi-Charmed Life in an ad for the Tigger Movie because they didn't know it's about meth addiction

fat cock this, fat cock that, how about you stick your fat cock in my face is that how this format works

Reminder that if you're gay you probably exist because one of your ancestors was a bi dude who laid insane pipe

I'm biased because we're friends, but this guy has one of the best face cards on the planet so it is wildly modest that he only posts hog

The 'penis to vagina' song from Emilia Pérez has been in my head for two years at this point, somebody may have to die

loved when a key & peele sketch gave keegan hair for absolutely no reason

“Well well well if it isn’t Tits McGee” — me when a man who makes me insanely horny walks into the room

can one of you with the muscles let me rub your titties as a friend

I want to hate pretentious straight music nerdbros because they're so annoying, but they're the only non-gays who understand Carly Rae Jepsen

Saw someone be like "90s nostalgita is so cringe, can you imagine if guys in the 90s were listening to 50s music and dressing like the Fonz?" My dude, that is exactly what happened in the late 90s, and those guys were drowning in pussy. Jon Favreau made a whole movie about it

Who’s joining Patrick to help me celebrate???

I hate Pete Davidson as much as the next guy, but “Ann Coulter, if you’re here, who’s guarding our crops?” really was an all-timer

Shirt idea

"what's your excuse for not looking like chris hemsworth" well for one thing I sleep in a big bed with my husband

Robert Morse mentioned, time to remind everyone that this is the most adorable a man has ever been in a movie

going bald right before the moment where nobody will ever be bald again might be the thing that makes me end it

everything pertaining to elizabeth holmes absolutely disgusts me

poor Jocelyn Wildenstein

I hate knowing that no matter what happens Bari Weiss will still believe she is talented and smart

I don't think it's necessarily wrong to say that RPDR ruined drag but I think it's more accurate to say it ruined drag audiences

Me scrolling Following: Haha fuck yeah!! yes!!!! Me scrolling Popular with Friends: well this fucking sucks. what the fuck

Parker Messick I will kick you in the face

I know Green Book and Coda winning Best Picture get all the smoke (and rightly so), but Shape of Water winning in *this* lineup has to be just as egregious. It's fifth! A very distant fifth!

does imzadi mean exclusive

I don't understand you can be someone who criticizes the excesses of powerful techheads surrounded by yes-men and the failures of the projects they produce, then turn around and try to reappraise the Star Wars prequels as good or even fun

I was in the best shape of my life in January 2020 and now I'm in the worst. I was not aware everyone else was doing the opposite journey but now I feel bad

Katie Zacharia™ is a powdered supplement that you can take with breakfast, before bed, or at the office!

i'm so glad Bros flopped so this guy could get back to doing real movies

Perfect night for staying in, eating soup, and cuddling with Eddie