Kelly's Special Purpose

I quit Facebook in 2013, never really participated in Twitter, never have had an Instagram or tiktok account. So I can't lie, social media is a cesspool. The fact that people literally get online specifically to insult/hurt/troll people is absolutely shocking to me. Like, why not say something kind?

Look, I can remember all the lyrics to every song I've ever heard, OR what happened 5 minutes ago. It cannot be both.

Got a call last week from a panicked man because he had picked mushrooms in the park, brought them home and cooked them with his scrambled eggs. Ate two bites before he realized that may have been a bad idea. I suggested he call his Dr or poison control rather than us. I....ugh. Lord.

I still feel guilty about using Ketchup because some weird yellow cartoon guy told me not to drown my food. But I do hanker for a hunk of cheese on a regular basis.

GOD! You are taking the wrong 80 year olds!

Headlines be like "trump does Something Awful! Congress does Nothing. Read this 3 page article about it, recipe at bottom."

I have a feeling Scalise has never been to an Olive Garden....

We had someone dump a rooster at one of our parks. Friendly little guy, he kept trying to get in people's cars and went right up to children for pets. One of our very kind park police took him to his (actual, not a euphemism) farm. People are terrible, but then people are good!

Still mourning out growing my R2-D2 underroos.

Clearly, Mona was the boss.

Threatening us all with a good time, eh?......

I am constantly feeling like I am on the outside looking in. Then I do weird stuff, like standing on my desk to see what the ceiling feels like and everyone asks what it feels like cause they were wondering too, and I think maybe I do that to myself.

Trump should not be on money. He is not a founder of ideals in America. He's more like a creepy uncle who is never invited but keeps showing up to family functions somehow.

Power is out at work so I am holding off going in. What to do...what to do? Nap time!

My god I love Nick Offerman.

I will haunt you when I die for the low, low price of $50/mo until death. My death. Or yours. Whatever.

Nuts ruin baked goods. I said what I said.

Monkeys doing people things is the cure for what ails me.

On the good news front, I went to a wedding in Branson MO this weekend. Trump stickers, stores, flags and banners were practically nonexistent. I only saw 3. Used to not feel safe there. I think he is definitely losing followers!

I am the farthest thing from a conspiracy theorist, but, this was staged. Full stop. Will never be convinced otherwise.

Drunk posting. Need I say more? I'm drunk and I'm posting. If that wasn't clear.

We invite you to treat yourself to the healing power of watching a rescued baby goat boinging around.

youtu.be/lbqMD7YrGGQ?...

Just heard a song that transported me back to when I wasn't completely emotionally shut down waaaayyyy back in my youth. That was nice!

repost if you want to repost this post

I thought I strived on stress, but not THIS kind of stress!😢 That evil man and his evil minions need to be removed. Now.

We need your help please. Please share. Chaco Culture National Historical Park in New Mexico is a UNESCO World Heritage Site containing over a thousand years of Indigenous history ancient ruins, sacred sites, and cultural landmarks built by the ancestors of today’s Pueblo peoples.

Gotta go to the grocery store on the day before Easter. Wish me luck!

I hate it when I suddenly find myself transported to a random wafflehouse. The last time it happened I was in the shower and had to trade favors for scrambled eggs because I had taken my vagina wallet out.

😭😭😭

I don't hear about the Flying Spaghetti Monster anymore. Hope he's doing ok!

When they came for trans kids, history will ask, did you speak up or did you stand by? On this Trans Day of Visibility, let us reaffirm that trans rights are not up for debate. (1/3)

Two trans men from Lawrence filed a lawsuit challenging the law and are represented by the American Civil Liberties Union. But Douglas County District Judge James McCabria declined to halt enforcement of the law. (@kansasreflector.com)

I just read that teeth pop like popcorn when under extreme heat, and now it's all I can think about. I need to wash my brain.

I don't know why this made laugh so hard. The cat was fine, I promise!

JUST IN: Democrats tonight have flipped a GOP-held state House seat in Florida. And not just any seat: This is the district that contains Mar-a-Lago. (It voted for Trump by 11% in 2024). That's right: Trump will now be represented by a Democrat, Emily Gregory, in Tallahassee.

"The MAD Book Of Fears & Phobias" Writer • John Ficcara Artist • Paul Coker Jr Year • 1985 #madmagazine #madpaperbacks

Went to Antelope Canyon, literally one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen.

FORGOTTEN 80's HORROR FILM RECOVERED RELIC VAULT ENTRY: NH-RV-001 THE STRANGER BOYS (1985) Format: VHS Classification: Teenage Vampire Movie Recovered from a video store in Mohawk, New York. #horror #retrohorror #80s #80'shorror #horrormovie #cultfilm

CRIDDER BROOD KID (1985) RELIC VAULT ENTRY: NH-RV-002 Originally sold during the mid-1980s collectible toy craze, the Cridder Brood Kid line disappeared from retail catalogs shortly after its release. This toy is allegedly cursed and eats its owners. #horror #horrorfan #horrorcollectible

► FunHouseRadio.com <- TUNE IN

Please share the news about what is happening with Ridglan Farms. The more people who know will help create a pressure campaign and force Ridglan to surrender the beagles to rescue groups, instead of killing them. Please help. All you have to do is hit Repost.

Professor Halpert would like to discuss your grades....

Dammit I just was staring at a guy making weird faces at the stop light right outside my office and he just turned and looked at me! I had to pretend I was staring at my computer! 🤣

Unfortunate jalapeño incident at lunch. Also, a good band name! Learn from me. Do not use jalapeño juice covered napkin to wipe your nose. You're welcome. And ouch.

Apparently, Kegseth hasn’t destroyed their ability to drop truth bombs.