Matt

Lot's of "I'll never vote for Newsom" going on today and while I sincerely hope I never have to cast a vote for him, if he does somehow end up the 2028 nominee, yes of course I'll fucken vote for him because a guy who sucks is still better than a guy who sucks twice as bad

A reminder that Presidents' Day used to be two separate holidays they combined into one because the true spirit of America is and always will be "fuck workers"

When an acquaintance told me I was crazy for getting an "unproven vaccine" I told him I'm not afraid of any vaccines and that I once ate a pill I found on the floor at the bar

Navajo code talkers but it's just a dude speaking spanish

Ski jumpers should be allowed to wear wing suits. Fuck hundred meters. I want to see 350+

Watching luge and I can't decide if I were to try and ride one down, would I have a thrilling but relatively safe ride at sub-olympic speeds? Or would I simply now be an out of control ice missile rocketing toward imminent death or serious injury?

You really don't have to announce that you aren't watching the Super Bowl or that you don't like sports. I'm sure you'll have a great time adding emojis to your bio and complaining about the orange man

We need a slur for anyone following more than 10k accounts

Dems (correctly, I believe) expect to do very well in the midterms and that terrifies them, so expect them to push a bunch more do nothing centrist suits that they trust to push back against any meaningful change.

Got a bunch of eugenicists who think it's the government's responsibility to solve their problem of women being repulsed by their genetics

Caring about Michelle Obama's Netflix documentary is just as embarrassing as caring about Melania's

Problem with covid is that symptoms are largely invisible. If it left people with stunted legs or craters in their face, people wouldn't be so quick to refuse a vaccine

I like a lot of veggies but I'm picky about how they're prepared. I only like them prepared one way: buried under a block of melted velveeta

"If you don't respect me as an authority, then I won't respect you as a human being"

Give every single dollar you've made spreading your dangerously garbage opinions for the last decade to a Minneapolis mutual aid fund and we'll talk about being happy with your change

Lot's of people calling to boycott the Olympics, world cup, and super bowl are the people who say "sports ball" unironically. Let me see you boycott bluesky for even half a day

Cut off in traffic by some asshole in a Civic speeding and weaving through traffic only to see them pulled over two miles up the road

If we come out the other side of this, after abolishing ICE and prosecuting every member and supporter, we need to burn every plantation, tear down every confederate statue, and rename every Robert E Lee/Nathan Bedford Forrest/etc school street and park.

Every so called problem the right complains about is fake. They're either completely made up, like somali child care fraud, or something that is objectively good and just pisses off conservatives, like trans rights

Rue wants shotgun

Another day at the dog park

"What if the baby you abort grew up to cure cancer?" What if grew up to be Mike fuckin Johnson?