NY Times Pitchbot

Source: Natalie Harp to dress as Sen. Jon Husted this Halloween.

President Trump’s obsession with Sen. Jon Husted’s butt raises questions about James Talarico’s alleged heterosexuality. by JD Vance

Whether it's Elon Musk cutting off the Starlink access that protects Ukrainians from Russian missiles or Ukraine cutting off Russian bot servers that give Elon his X likes and retweets, both sides have escalated a deadly feud.

A Cheesecake Factory in Rochester's deep blue Pittsford plaza might seem like a strange place to meet Trump supporters. But over a mournful discussion of Jim Leonhard's porous defense, you can hear whispers that DEI is the reason the Chicken Bellagio is $27.

Whether it’s Republicans openly demanding bribes or Democrats investigating the payment of bribes, both parties have created a tense and politicized environment for CEOs.

Whether it's Republicans not being allowed within 200 feet of a Chuck E. Cheese or Democrats making jokes about a Cheesecake Factory, both side have a fraught relationship with chain restaurants.

It was a travesty that the M$DNC shitlib Lula beat the progressive Bolsonaro, who I do not support, whose father tried to jail me, who I also do not support. by Glenn Greenwald

Bobo Got Back? Donald's been doxxing the derrieres of his die-hard dandies in Congress. How long til Sir Trump-a-Lot turns his attentions to the pundits? by Maureen Dowd

This headline structure is literally the joke format we use to make fun of people like this

Franklin D. Roosevelt: "The only thing we have to fear is, fear itself." John F. Kennedy: "Ask not what your country can do for you—ask what you can do for your country." Donald Trump: “I looked at one hell of a beautiful ass before: Nicki Minaj. That's hard to miss."

Every animal Trump correctly identified on his dementia exam as a character from Game of Thrones. by Chris Cillizza

The Ethicist | As part of a feud with my neighbor, I reported her Guatamalan gardener to ICE. I've since learned they shipped him to Central African Republic—not what I'd intended. Given my anguish, can I now claim my Pomeranian as an emotional support dog that can sit with me in First Class?

Times have been tough in this Ohio town ever since the woke mob closed the old Cheesecake Factory. So when Vivek Ramaswamy promised to legalize child rape, they finally had something to cheer about again. But then Obama said something elitist.

Say what you will about Donald Trump, but at least he’s a great guy with good policies. by Bill Maher

Wether it’s Vivek attacking a sexual assault victim or Acton being assaulted as a 12yo, both sides are at fault. Thank you for having the courage to say this Joe Manchin

If Republicans only lose 20 seats in the House and four in the Senate, they can still win the expectations game.

lol

President Clav has betrayed the legacy of Donald Trump. -David Brooks, 2044

It is antisemitic of Gadi Eisenkot to run for prime minister against Benjamin Netanyahu. by Jonathan Greenblatt and Bari Weiss

If Amy Acton was a good daughter, she would have teamed up with her mother to get rich off an Alzheimer’s drug they knew wouldn’t work. by Vivek and Geetha Ramaswamy

Vivek Ramaswamy ran an ad attacking his opponent for being raped as a child. But he's also one of the few Republican politicians who is still allowed within 200 feet of a school or a Chuck E. Cheese.

If Amy Acton is to be believed, that means she was raised by a delusional, immoral serial liar with clear ties to child sex abuse. Totally disqualifying! by Donald Trump, Jr.

Analysis | Between Jim Jordan and Vivek Ramaswamy, Republicans may have built an insurmountable lead among sex abusers in Ohio.

It's awfully rich that the people screaming about Elon Musk, who I do not support, cutting off Ukraine's access to Starlink were totally silent when shitlib TV executive Phil Griffin cut off my access to M$DNC appearances. by Glenn Greenwald

Times have been tough in this Ohio town since they closed the old vile ad factory. So when gubernatorial candidate Vivek Ramaswamy ran a vile ad weaponizing his opponent’s childhood rape, they finally had something to cheer about. But now the woke mob wants to take that all away.

The Wrath of Don Captain Trump wants to go boldly where man has gone before, to a third term of the presidency. But even the sycophant Tattoos around him know his campaign stunts look cheaper than Corinthian leather. by Maureen Dowd

Trump's inability to distinguish between the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans raises new questions about Joe Biden's advanced age.

The midterm elections are going so poorly for the president that some conservative commentators have said they may become Never Trump again.

Some Republican Senators are reportedly so upset with Trump's decision to help Russia bomb Ukraine that they are considering the unprecedented step of sending the president a sternly-worded letter on the matter.

Vivek Ramaswamy is exploiting child rape the right way. by Ezra Klein

Vivek Ramaswamy seeks to take political advantage of the fact that his opponent was raped as a child. But to his credit, unlike many other Republican politicians, he was not personally the rapist in question.

After exploiting a young woman's rape for his personal gain, Vivek Ramaswamy must write an essay and submit it to Cornell.

Opinion | Low-character Vivek Ramaswamy has no business being governor of Ohio. He must drop out and return to his DOGE job cutting off aid to starving children.

Analysis | No one could have predicted that a slick businessman who made billions selling cancer drugs he knew didn't work would run campaign ads weaponizing the fact that his opponent was raped as a girl.

Liberals say that our democracy should not be led by a senile narcissist. They're wrong—our republic should not be led by a senile narcissist.

Amy Acton’s stepfather did nothing wrong. by Matt Gaetz

Amy Acton’s mom to join Harvard’s Institute of Politics.

Vivek Ramaswamy, who I do not support, is right to attack the M$DNC shitlib Amy Acton for being the victim of child rape, which I also do not support. by Glenn Greenwald

Trump’s special envoy Steve Witkoff to Vladimir Putin today: “You talk so much about Trump being a humanitarian, you are a humanitarian also, sir. And I salute that. I commend you.”

Viv Ramaswamy wants you to forget all about Vivek.

If Kansas millennials stopped wasting money on frilly lattes and avocado toast, they’d be able to afford a lawyer when they’re sued by their United States senator.

We wanted to understand Vivek Ramaswamy’s latest ad, in which Amy Acton’s estranged mother calls her a lifelong liar. So we talked to three undecided voters at a Panera in Columbus who say the real story is the refusal to center the lived experience of mothers who stayed married to pedophiles.

Worried about the situation in North Korea? This sheet pan Bulgogi chicken with garlicky kimchi greens will make you feel like you’re there.