Spooks McSpookerson

Ok, hear me out...

No cheating. Your last saved celebrity pic is your therapist.

Who took this picture, tho?

We all had this couch.

If it looks stupid but it works, it’s not stupid.

I’m putting surgical masks on my Crocs so they don’t get any sicker yo

If you’re so smart, explain this Clarissa…

The Big Lebowski Between My Legs.

The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.

“Democrats don’t blow me enough, so I’m going to invent reasons it’s their fault I didn’t vote. I WENT TO COLLEGE!!!”

Always them leave wanting

Ooooh, Behave

I will circle a parking lot until the sun explodes looking for pull thru parking.

If you see someone stealing, no you didn’t.

Batman AND Robin? In this economy?

Carefully.

Smi-ceps

“Chronicles Of Elyria” officially dissolved today. Having a drink to celebrate the end of history’s slowest train wreck / obvious scam.

take a piss on everyone you hate

Blucifer has killed before, it will kill again.

The Judge : “How do you plead?” Me :

I think it’s pronounced “Born Rich”.

Watching the episode of “Top Gear” where Stig dies and I can’t help but feel like Jeremy Clarkson really has been an insufferable prick all along.

Something on the side

God Damnit, Canada.

Toby McGuire was cut out of “Empire Records” in post. But his name is still in the credits.

Barky Bark and The Fluffy Bunch

100% of the people who took this poll still have a landline and didn’t hang up on NBC.

“I never thought Facebook would censor ME.” - your Champagne Socialist manager Monday morning. (Probably)

Sadly true, and far more terrifying 😮

One of the earliest McDonald's translite signs is this circular, vacuform Jack-o-lantern. Not just a cool vintage Halloween item, but also one of the centerpieces of my whole McDonald's collection. (1967)

There was a Baywatch episode where they get outsmarted by the sandwiches they’re making.

Fuck me if I’ll ever take champagne socialists seriously.

Realized 45 minutes into my first shift on my first day that “Customer Service” was a euphemism for a MLM cold calling outfit. I quit and went bowling. I may not be the smartest or best looking guy in the room, but I’m not scamming grandma’s for a living. I’d rather sell drugs to college kids.

Every mushroom is edible at least once, if you’re brave.

Karate.

Writing a browser extension that hides any YouTube video made after 2009.

How do you know the mice are vegan? … A scientist tells you.

The biggest lie ever told about me is that I know what I’m doing.

Flick your Bric.

Why are the trees inside and why don’t they name him?