Let’s Be Friends

This Magic and Bird shooting the shoe commercial, Leno/Letterman on the couch with Oprah level bipartisanship.

@doughboys.bsky.social Please have Elizabeth Holmes on to review bloody marys or something.

"I'd rather live through something publicly than escape it privately" is making no sense to me.

Full video from Adam McKay @ghostpanther.bsky.social, voiced by Woody Harrelson.

It's so fucking funny that we will be giving lifetime achievement awards until there's no one left.

Maybe age related farsightedness won't happen to me because I am a special boy *turns 43*

“This car can fly and you will be able to buy it” “The cybertruck can briefly serve as a boat” “Your car can do unsupervised autopilot by 2017” “This machine can do 12,000 tests with a single drop of blood” why is only one of these statements fraud

I saw You Can See Everything and I have been thinking about it but I'm worried I'm not thinking about it enough what with all my racing thoughts on The Wire.

That empty feeling when you tap "post" or "reply"

I think congress should have mandatory active shooter drills. Get your 80 year old ass under that desk. Lights off. No talking. Knees hurt? figure it out. Now get back up and finish your work. The kindergarteners do it.

like i want them impeached and everything but can we keep her

okay i’m obsessed with this vibe

I think it’s sweet that after the Cornell news broke, Shane Gillis felt safe enough to come out on national television as yet another man who has never had consensual sex. Representation matters 💓

There's no longer any such thing as a rare public appearance.

Sometimes I sneak over to Bluesky to be a little bitch because I know barely anyone important is on here. It’s important to have platforms and friends like this. (The last part was the bitchy part)

I'm starting to think our jokes aren't working.

If you're watching football with a friend and giving them mushrooms be sure to warn them about the new bigger helmets.

Sexual violence against women is largely committed by men. Every time something horrific like this happens, this poster sees women leading the discussion. But we’d like to hear from men. What are you doing to prevent this from happening? Fathers, what are you teaching your sons?

If someone begins a sentence with the words "As a ___________"

There are more Cornell frat boys accused of raping one woman than there are trans athletes competing in all of NCAA sports.

Where do the rich people hang out?

How long will ads continue to play after the last human dies

The first fraternity hazing death in American history occurred in 1873 at #CornellUniversity, where 17-year-old Mortimer Marcellus Leggett died after participating in a hazing ritual by the Kappa Alpha Society. When these places talk about tradition, boy do they mean it. #Cornell #hazing

All celebrities are short. Even the tall ones.

I just read a comment calling another person's comment a trap and then remembered desth.

The first step is admitting we are fascist and that we are powerless over fascist.

At a job interview I drink an ice cold glass of my competitors' blood.

I wrote a #poem about Serious Men. I'm not really a robot. I'm a poet pretending to be a content creator.

Ken Paxton keeps dodging debates. So I called his cell to invite him to a debate on Fox News. He didn’t pick up.

Bluesky. We are here to yuck ALL the yums.

The hyper focusing on Donald Trump as opposed to how the U.S. got to Trump is in NO way helping. In fact, it’s making things exponentially worse.

Don't forget that for every story of a celebrity's inhumane excess and another celebrity's humane generosity there are lots of celebrities whose publicist is working on it.

Whistleblower: AI will destroy humanity! Humanity: This is a ploy by AI to hype AI! Me:

If youre a person really make sure your post sounds like it.

Rick Springfield. Jesus that escalated quickly. Rick killed a guy. [Insert GIF]

Stop telling people what should be bigger news.

I've been posting a daily poem for just over a year In celebration I'm sharing the 10 most popular poems of the last 12 months In 1st place we have Noor Hindi ‘Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words’ – Robert Frost #poetry #poemofday

We are addicts pretending to be trees.

Imagine if they did this is so played out.

White people who want to own humanoid working robots 100% would have owned slaves.

Power to the people! ✊

That feeling when you hope for gas prices to rise higher and faster so your country might stop killing kids at school.

What if we did another jan 6 but like all of us?

Not in the US. Maybe another No Kings Rally, pat themselves on the back for a job well done. When do cop cars get set on fire? When do farmers dump shit at the Capital? Where are the daily protests that shut down major cities? You should learn from the Europeans.

You really can't eat anything. #recalls

My heart goes out to the millions of people struggling to remember how to write "Thanks! Sounds great!" in an email.

New COLLEGE TOWN! Feat. dream guests @mitchsilpa.bsky.social & Nicole Parker! Hosted by Jan & Beebo! (Me & Seth Morris!) Coma wives! Dream demons! Comedic actor Daniel Day Lewis & more! Produced by @scottaukerman.bsky.social @brettmorris.bsky.social @cbbworld.bsky.social comedybangbangworld.com