Ice Cream O'Clock

I mean, I guess it's a beautiful day in New England

In the last hour, 0 bears have sexually assaulted women #allbears

Go to your camera roll and then search for boat and post a picture of a boat you like (While not technically a boat, this book cover is boat-related and always makes me wonder why did a series of people think this was a necessary book to publish 😀)

6yo: it would be a great idea to put peanut butter on chocolate chips! Me: That actually ... is a great idea <makes pb and chocolate chip sandwich>

What is the deal with this brand? Why is Lumi only advertising to dudes? They are persistent in their advertising that dads love them as if women don't run or walk in the dark #lumlight

Howl's Moving Van Diminish an anime

There’s really only one way to mark the 99th anniversary of Roger Moore’s birth

6yo: I TOLD you there would be a stick here Me, in the forest:

FAST and steady wins races 🙂

Tv schedule is out!

I don't know who needs to hear this but whales don't belong on Go Fish cards

Then swing it at them and shout, "Momma said conch you out!"

"Now you're not laughing with salad!" 😐

You guys want to hear a short but adorable story that happened right in front of me at the baggage claim in NYC yesterday? I wasn't part of it and there are bits I didn't catch but holy crap, I can't stop thinking about it.

It’s 186 years to the day since a man called Thomas O’Conor wrote a report about a stone figure on a church in Kiltinane, County Tipperary. This would be unremarkable were it not for what the statue looked like, because this was the first written use of the term Sheela-na-gig

I just realized I've experienced "Man or Bear" in real life. The summer after my first year in college I worked housekeeping in Sequoia Nat Park. Cleaning guest cabins and public toilets, hoisting linens in wheelbarrows up and down little slopes, all at 7000 ft elev. In my time off I…hiked. …

That thing where you show up to a trampoline park for a birthday party but the party is NEXT Saturday and now you have paid the mistaken parent tax and your kid is jumping by himself

There's no ethical consumption of football

The reward is being able to live with yourself

I’m not saying my dad’s bike was crap, but once it got stolen and he found it 50 yards down the road.

Me: Nay Doctor: not helping your case that you don't think you're a horse

Oof. Definitely worth reading.

Dahlia Ketchup and Mustard

Dahlia Gloriosa

Am I high right now? I am, aren't I?

Yup. A year of culinary school. In six words or fewer, write a story about this photo. #sixwordstory #WritingCommunity

Star Wars but everyone is a Muppet except for Chewbacca, who is played by Jennifer Lawrence

RT if you've never had a tab of ChatGPT open, period.

Teaching body part vocabulary to our 6yo has hit some bumps in the road: This is my foot scrotum and it protects my foot from bumps.

Muppet Hamlet.

Forklift implies the existence of a knifelift and spoonlift and I think I need to hire a spoonlift.

Make your favorite film sound as boring as possible without giving away the title: Uma Thurman visits former co-workers.

Nothing. Just not give it a name.

Man, if you ever want to feel wise, clever, and well informed, watch depositions of cops on youtube Q: "Why did you arrest her?" A: "She was trying to stop officers from going into her apartment." Q: "Did you have a warrant? A: "No." Q: "Was there some kind of emergency happening in the apartment?"

How can you feel good about watching this?

Good news, everyone! #futurama

A Fish Called Wanda. I found it to be so incredibly unfunny.

Imagine getting ur back blown out on the Jesus bed.

"The team found that the greater the proportion of enslaved people in a county in 1860, the bigger the mortality gap between Black & white people in the 2010s, even after controlling for common factors tied to health inequalities, such as rurality or pop. density" www.science.org/content/arti...

My 6yo just now: Can we go to New Jersey? Kids say the darndest things 😀

Canada, please come get your geese. They're drunk and pooping everywhere.

My wife's was that Lance Armstrong was garbage.