Swiss

modernizing has been a mistake, the amish were right... we should all have to wait for a guy at work to turn on the radio

Gonna start putting "never went to college" on my resumes so businesses know I'm not a rapist.

Texting all the girls I know, "i'm bored, u up" with this pic attached at 3am

porn is so deeply misogynistic. i just watched a video with dozens of performers going at it, and they literally hadn’t bothered to hire a single woman.

Had a nightmare I was in an airport boarding zone, and a woman was singing Avril Lavigne's skater boi out of tune as a lullaby to her baby

making a magic eye of my own dick and putting it on a line of tshirts

25 years

I wonder what type of cutlery birds would have invented if they were smart.

This is a perfect villain entrance and it's staggering that it's not clipped a million time.

this is crazy... I also remember your wife loving me, anyone else having this?

Please save me mexican goth girl

Let's rock with our cock.

I think a lot of my problems with not being able to find a girlfriend is that secretly I don't want to date a girl... deep inside I think what I really want is just to be haunted by a hot malicious girl-like entity

dragooner

I bought a box of frozen chicken strips and I make it with rice and then say "mmm chicken katsu" before I eat it.

I am building my deathbed, my coffin is wallpapered with anime girls.

@melcolemanart.bsky.social I am just catching up on Forbidden Door right now and just wanted to say thank you sooooo much

Paul Garbage

the best before date on my olive oil is 2011, tonight i will ascend

Fuck Lay Canada, Census, 1891

this is the art we will leave behind

This is me and the best art I ever did on the underside of my friend's mattress that he immediately threw out for some reason when he saw it.

Karen Frankenstein

Incel Dracula

this is honestly my favorite wrestling move

Happy Mother's Day ladies. Not all of you are mothers; in my heart though you're all still mommies.

Nothing can prepare you for who's singing this National Anthem (via lpaulfranklin / TT)

You can put BBQ sauce on spaghetti and it's pretty good, but it's not even close to as good as tell italian people what you're doing.

Here is a fantasy book I wrote a while ago. It would be cool for me if you read it. If you don't want to, that's ok, I understand that reading is for nerds. I'm not here to try to turn you into a nerd. www.royalroad.com/fiction/1332...

Lois Vuitton: because I support women

me: these are the bosses goons they- players: *snickering* me: they're GOONS not gooners get your minds out of the gutter players: *nodding* me: anyway this is their boss goon king, king of the gooners

This is who I always wanted to be.

Become worm

Please let us crash out together.

Finally we are free from the oppression of feminized and queer cereals like Lucky Charms (rainbows, leprechauns) and Cheerios (vagina shaped). Finally we can all just fill our mouths full of balls and swallow like true men!

Paul Boner Hardy Texas, Birth Index, 1903-1997

Daily conversation I have with my fridge.

The Chair Company takes you on a wild ride that leaves you in a parking lot holding a button up shirt staring into the distance as everything you want escapes you... it is a shirt with a really complicated pattern though

@anyaustin.bsky.social a couple years ago I asked my dentist how much it would cost to replace all my teeth with implants. He got confused and said, "What do you mean...? don't do that, you want to keep your teeth." and wouldn't elaborate.

We are ascending.

Is it time to post these spirit halloween things again... here is mine

about to go bankrupt becoming popular

Turn off your instagrams and just eat beans.

I want to thank @paperbackparadise.bsky.social for sending me the gigantic cover pages of three of my favorite childhood books that I can't find anywhere anymore. Some day I'll find the rest of these books.

The perfect protein for the skateboarding teen on the go