Tim in Des Moines

Cooper will always be bebe 💔

Put on some headphones and listen to 'Lover, You Should've Come Over' by Jeff Buckley. Focus on the bass guitar part. Mick Grøndahl puts on a masterclass

If I scratch inside both of [Biz’s] ears (because he doesn’t clean them himself properly), I can get him to take a screenshot

I've decided that my favorite genre of music is the 18-minute epic by The Decemberists

How I feel about the midterms

Luna rediscovered her heated kitty cave that call her Easy Bake Oven and Zedo is just a comfort king

IIIIIIIIIIII’m the cat in the box

My car has an emotional support grocery bag

Have you ever pooped and it got rid of the attitude you had?

Add "for Tax Purposes" to a movie: You Only Live Twice for Tax Purposes

The Dutch word for stabbing translates literally to "stab party"

Ruin a book by adding a word: Tuesdays with MAGA Morrie

You know how NFL referees like to do a call in the local language? Since they're in the UK today, they should do a call like "Snogging the wobbly bumper, offense #72, 10 yard penalty, repeat 2nd down"

Let out a SBD fart in the break room and before it could dissipate and before I could escape someone else walked in the room

Marcus Foligno's hair is in regular season form

One day I hope the doctor at Walter Reed who gets Cheetoman tells his story like this youtu.be/2wcI10CNuxU?...

And never once managed to be funny

I don't understand how any of the Cubs pitching coaches have a job

Have you ever taken a 🥬 sleep gummy, put on some choral hymns, and done some puzzles? It's like a warm blanket for the brain

I thought this said DEEZ

Reading about Lindsay Clancy case. I’m convinced none of the men commenting that the case set women’s right back 100 years have never brought a woman to climax

I am convinced Alan Cumming is *not* playing a character on Traitors

McDonald’s breakfast burrito, but burrito supreme sized

face down in his catnip pouches. absolutely lost in the sauce

I had a dream the other night that I was watching a movie starring David Tennant in full Scottish accent and Tom Hardy as the muscle. It was some kind of war revenge story where they captured their past aggressors and killed them justly. I don’t remember much else but Tennant was very good.

After he died, Tupac did more to prove that he's still alive than Mitch McConnell has since he went to the hospital.

I don’t remember having this as a kid but this flashlight light saber thing was in my box of stuff from home. Biz approves and he wants to get it

In line at the pharmacy drive thru and the car in front of me has a “plants>pills” sticker

The Green Kilometer

If you know who these characters are, it's time to consider scheduling a colonoscopy

Me and my frendo while the other two wrassle on the other half of the couch

Without saying your age, what’s your favourite movie that came out when you were 18?

That Fernandez tackle…

She angy that I “made” her move by existing in the same space as her

Why am I hungry for an omelet all of a sudden?

Really I don’t know a lot about soccer but that seemed…surgical #ENGvsARG

I wish the All-Star game had an All-Star broadcast booth, too. Imagine Don Orsillo with Keith Hernandez, Jim Deshaies, and John Kruk.

Dunno who needs to know this but if you’d like to put someone in stocks and throw rotten tomatoes at them, you’re thinking of a pillory. Stocks are the same concept but they go around your ankles instead.