pathological attempts of humor

extra humbling when my homemade food is rejected by someone who I have willingly seen try to eat their own poop.

called it baby

Nic Cage is kinda like the inverse Jared Leto, I'll watch just about anything he's in.

2026 motto

I learned what glomp was by explanation and not by exposure: the academisation of millennial culture is starting now

I need a good toddler book about the periodic table of the elements STAT. My two year old just learned all the symbols in the Moon and Serpent Magical alphabet for some reason and is even using them in rudimentary spells. I need to distract him.

I was going to write something sarcastic like "why do I have to wait for a doctor's appointment if it's a Wednesday?" But the article is about how some dude with a Linux phone pays more because he can't load the bus app, which is extremely funny.

“Bluesky is dying” yeah cool that just means more mushrooms will grow

God: I gave you flight, but I had to take away your hands Bird: was that necessary? *bat lands on table, chews a strawberry* God: it was, yeah *dragonfly lands nearby on all six legs* God: Bird: just be real with me

5 potatoes cubed is still 5 potatoes because potatoes are root vegetables

please...for my birthday...like to charge, repost to cast...

Me every night

In 2018 I wrote an hour-long comedy show about mental health, toxic masculinity, and how close the world has come to nuclear war. I think those things share a LOT of traits. Running through the show was the story of Stanislav Petrov, who saved the world on this day in 1983 youtu.be/kU9_3bOe_8I

Fuck ChatGPT flyers. The future is broadsheets.

Paper airplanes folded by LBJ. An old but spritely cat that spots a spider on the carpet. A time travelling yellow jacket. Dust.

Today a completely nonverbal student wrote me a note in lesson asking if i could help them switch classes in another subject and it was like a butterfly landed on me, I felt so trusted. And easy enough to sort out, especially when you consider how much it must have bothered them to reach out first

think safety 🍅

Um, acktshually, a genetic mutation explains all cancers. Every cancer. Sooooooo

@flomachina.bsky.social