Monkey One

I hope you fucking enlighten yourself. I hope you pieces of shit experience the pure joy of perfect clarity. I hope you losers find truth and pursue it like it holds the secret to immortality. I hope your dumb eyes are opened and full of wisdom and purpose.

Gonna be real vulnerable on main & expand on this even more: 🎃 I was homeless, ages 4-17. Halloween might've been the only time I got candy all year. 🍬 Candy isn't just junk food or empty calories when you're already not getting enough food- it's psychological relief. It's a sense of normalcy.

OK, he’s wrong and racist, but also, what does that have to do with health or human services or joining the Kent GOP?

Maybe, but irrational fear drives Republican turnout.

Such an important part of my childhood. Saying all my Vs as Ws for the rest of the day in his honor.

My pal Danielle Koenig shared that her father Walter Koenig passed away last night at age 90. A performer whose kindness and warmth shone through the screen. He will be well remembered.

A lot of people need to slow down and acknowledge to themselves that they're afraid, and this is affecting how they are interacting with other people. You have to acknowledge the reality of your feelings, or you won't control how they shape your behavior.

Lula’s victory terrifies right-wingers because he actually sent the former president who committed many crimes to prison, and they desperately wanted him to suffer for daring to impose consequences on their fascistic behavior.

Storming into the McDonalds at 10:34 AM with a gun demanding they remake my sausage and egg McMuffin with the good round egg instead of this shitty folded yellow bullshit.

Lula Goes HARD

In honor of Lula’s victory, here’s the frog named for him, Brachycephalus lulai.

🎶This is what you get🎶

Yeah, he’s done it. Give Lula a gun.

Holy shit, Cotton Hill is real.

If Lula wins despite the entire American apparatus trying to fuck him, he deserves the right to kill a few ratfucking mayors.

Turning a big wheel with pictures of people’s asses and looking back at the audience for approval.

Bolsonaro-friendly mayors appear to be sabotaging public transport on Election Day. Buses aren’t running in Lula-friendly areas, flights and ferries mysteriously canceled. Traffic lights have gone out and people’s power cut in Salvador, indigenous people’s travel restricted

The lesser of two evils is still evil. And the enemy of my enemy is not my friend.

I have sued Dreyer’s ice cream for being too similarly named to Breyers ice cream, which is clearly meant to cause confusion among voters.

Cheesecake isn’t even a good dessert. C-Tier at worst, B-Tier at best (when it has the strawberry sauce).

I have a very dumb and very psychotic dragonborn barbarian in DND, and his personality and the voice I use for him is based almost entirely on DBZA Nappa.

You are American. Your breakfast is eggs and bacon. You regularly eat meals with no vegetables at all. You’re getting enough protein. Calm down.

I think people intuitively understand that democratic candidates tossing trans kids to the wolves is not only morally repugnant but also politically ineffective, otherwise they wouldn't freak out every time someone said they weren't voting for a democrat who did this

No idea what to do with it, but I certainly wasn’t saying no to it.

No one has used “fresh” to mean “rude” in over 40 years, but our president has used it twice as the various lights in his head go out and leave him with only the old memories.

Realized she was married to a plucked chicken instead of a man.

Doomers once again vindicated.

This is how we got the infamous joint dictatorship of the Nebraska Todds.

Old laws dictate that if two candidates have the same full legal name, you can vote for both of them

OK. *cocks pistol*

Standard undecided voter thought process. Nothing new to see here. They’re barely sapient.

I’m gonna pick him up and pet him and use him to detect hidden Klingons.

Why am I supposed to care about what an economics professor thinks about a legal matter? I don’t even care what they think about economics.

MY NEW BOOK IS OUT, the Raspberry Pi Guide to Retro Gaming! Worked extremely hard on this so hope folks like it magazine.raspberrypi.com/books/retro-...

I think our society is fundamentally broken when an 80-year-old knows what a cuck chair is and how to use it as an insult.

I just hope we as a society can reach a level of maturity where we put people like this in specialized enclosures where they can’t bother the rest of us.

Not the top Steam review of Dressmaker making me cry this morning!

Crazy that Vivek Ramaswamy made an ad that makes a meta-case against him for choosing to make the ad in the first place.