William H

I think the word “tweet” is perfect for any short-form social media post It references the first microblogging site when it was still good and not bought and renamed by a sociopath, everyone knows what it means, and it isn’t slang for shooting loads

Mitch McConnell is so dead John Cleese is demanding a refund

Hella

Funny thing about dogs and cats—while they share some similar physical displays, one of them waves tail to say that they’re happy and would like to hang out, and the other waves tail to to mean “Fuck off—I’m really annoyed at everything you’re doing right now” Also, cats aren’t nearly as into butts

The fucking literacy crisis is also a political crisis - if you can’t retain information and can’t see themes in what you read you also can’t retain information about your life or see themes in it - which is convenient for fascists and oligarchs both. You know you’re miserable and you don’t know why

A MAGA dweeb was complaining about Mamdani this morning, playing a 2016 clip of him speaking about his music career with a South African accent (in some attempt to show him being fake?), and then referring to him as Zohan the Destroyer I love how everything they do makes him sound more awesome

Dark Skies in Wisconsin

I ❤️ this—it’s obvious that Haus is not attacking economic literacy or objective data, and instead commenting on the glib and dismissive tone of some people in the conversation, and yet those same people feel so called out that they attack it with the same tone they’ve been called out for Brilliant

I love how all three of them are this 🤏 close to breaking the whole time

@dominos-pizza.bsky.social Every day? Do you think pizza is that important to *anyone*? Why are you being weirdos? (I had to block their email because the unsubscribe link wasn’t working)

Chicago style (mustard, tomatoes, pickle, onions, relish, sport peppers, celery salt, no fucking ketchup)

Maybe Mitch McConnell isn’t dead. Instead, he’s conscious but locked in, feeling every minute stretched out to infinity, spending every second begging for his sweet final release So anyways, I had some scrambled eggs with bell peppers and sausages this morning and they were *fantastic*

1) The Daily Mail Science section should be required to be Daily Mail “Science” 2) 🎵 Teenage Mutant Ninja Rodents 🎵

AI-generated music and video sounds and looks like shit, and for a long time I didn’t have any worry about it impacting musicians and artists all that much But I found out most people keep the bullshit visual smoothing and sharpening defaults turned on with their TVs and now I’m deeply concerned

Went to “Whose Live Anyway” show for my son’s birthday and it was one of the funniest comedy shows I’ve ever seen. Improv can be super cringe sometimes but there wasn’t a single stinker the whole 90 minutes. Absolute masters of the craft on display tonight.

This is such bullshit I could fit at least eight babies in there

Hey if a man child wants to weaponizes incompetence, I’d rather it’s directed to an AI than a partner

Every state that has Dem control needs to look like this If we’re min-maxing gerrymandering, the GOP has less to gain because they’ve relied more heavily on it for the past few decades, while Dems could probably net 40 or more seats if we focus on making districts shaped like wiggly Fire Islands

During the pandemic, @unwoman.com and I made a couple of bardcore songs, including a cover of “Don’t Stop Believing” (youtu.be/8uFlLXcfMNM) I had sent an early mix that had drums panned too hard and vocals too reverb-heavy, and when I received a note about it, I agreed and replied with this:

Film you've watched more than six times with a gif. hard mode: no star wars, star trek, lotr, dc, marvel, disney, pixar, dreamworks, spielberg, cameron, wachowskis, or ghibli. Getting more hardcore challenging. GIF

My son and I met this Very Good Boy at the Oakland No Kings

Riddle of the Sphynx except it’s: Had a Boo-Boo -> Ate Shit -> Had a Fall

theonion.com/not-sure-how... Yessir

“Should yogurt be carbonated?” I think to myself as I check the expiration date

The funniest thing about OpenAI pivoting to sexbots is that they realized it’s the only way to make real profit Can’t recoup nearly a trillion of investments from writing emails and thank you notes? Maybe get millions and millions of lonely people addicted to a love app for $99/mo

"Just because I’m not on the keyboard—and you have to add two extra steps for me to appear correctly—I’m suddenly the product of some soulless technology?"

“Knock knock.” “Who’s there?” “Knock knock.” “Who’s there?” Alois asked again, more insistently. “Knock knock.” And so it went for years. It wasn’t until his deathbed that Alois realized he was on the outside of the door. (Happy b-day, Franz!)

The new Running Man trailer looks *terrible*. It’s going to be worse than the Total Recall and Robocop remakes Who’s behind these 80s remakes? Jimmy Savile? They keep fucking our childhood #runningman #therunningman

This guy was mentioned in the news and I had to look him up to if I heard it right—his name is so *absurdly* French that it sounds like what you’d get if someone had to quickly make up an alibi who lives in Montreal It’s like a German named Klaus Von Sauerkraut. Or a Brit named Benedict Cumberbatch

this ‘jurassic park’ story 😭

So I shouted out “THE CONDIMENT BAR!!” at the top of my lungs

Table Troll

SIMPLY HAVING A

There’s something his expression that makes it look like it’s from The Onion

My son is a picky eater. I suspect that about 90% of the molecules in his body come from either bread or cheese. If he ever does 23andme, his results will come back as wheat and cow.

Can we just call all posts on short-form social media platforms “tweets” regardless of if they’re on Bluesky, X, Threads, or whatever? “Skeets” sounds awful and “a thread” already means a thing on the internet. “Tweets” just sounds the best and i like how it references the history of the concept.

I got autocorrected to “bulls hit” for the first time and it’s so bizarre. I’ve been using iPhones for over ten years and I feel my data profile should be pretty ducking clear what carp I intend to type

This feels right.