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I know it's not an original take, but when did the Onion writers start writing real world stuff? Nothing is serious anymore. It's all one big joke. Nothing is real. It's all made up and the points don't matter.

Advanced technology like a… shopping cart.

Thinking about making a list of games I own on epic that I’m willing to rebuy on Steam or GOG and uninstalling epic launcher.

It is wild to me that the classic launcher is an Unreal Engine app.

It's very light. Like a speedboat. Full of holes. You know, to be even lighter.

They literally called their own product vibe coded? lmao They've lost the plot.

This is not the flex that Epic thinks it is. I look at this and just think its really fucking embarrassing. I also made sure to check my Epic account and remove any payment info that might be on there because the store is not trust worthy anymore.

I see Epic Games has switched to the soviet union model of reasoning

you can tell it's vibe-coded cause on Linux it says "continue in your browser" to login, then never opens a browser window

Tim doth protest too much, methinks.

You have to feel for the Epic marketing team. "We created a splash screen on start up that just says 'Fuck you, [username]' and I need your team to create a promotion for it."

They’re not even public. They’re choosing to be this dumb on their own.

Whenever I see releases like this I want to know if their login page sends data encrypted or just as plain text.

Also, I love the little bar chart showing how much penis envy Sweeney has for GabeN.

This is the sort of thing a corporate comms person would write when they hate their employer. ...is what I would say if I believed Epic would let a human write comms anymore.

I can't believe how awful everything is on that page. Why is there a second navigation bar under the top navigation bar? Why is there a dedicated large box for the article title with a ton of unused space? Why is there so much space between each paragraph? I could go on and on, good grief.

relevant bsky.app/profile/rock...

I mean, who are they talking to? The last time they tried this tone with Fortnite audiences they got immediate backlash and measurable engagement drops. It's one of those "so bad it makes me think they know something I don't" things.

Right?!? It’s why I went to the source. That can’t be the quote…

I really feel like it would save everyone a lot of time and stress if they'd just realize that nobody will *ever* give a shit about Epic Game Launcher, no matter how "fast" it is lol