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Morbid but vivid satire

😂

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Some faces are pretty flat, what happens if you mess?

You just knew it was coming to this. 😠 I'm just glad the Republican sponsored ammentment to force one to hop on one foot while doing this wasn't passed!

🧅🏆🏅🥇🥈🥉🏆

On that note it should also require oligarch billionaires to sit with a giant gold ladle up thier bum bums.. before selling another widget.

At least they don’t want you to clap your fins (hands?) while you do it. It’s a victory.

This timeline is so screwed up I'm not sure if this is satire, or truth.

Fuck that's harsh. And far too brutally honest. Thank you for your courage in facing and exposing the worst of what we are.

Sad that this could actually happen

That’s about right 😡

While standing on one leg

Don’t give them any ideas.

That's what I thought, then I pictured Stephen Miller just like, "Ehhhh, rookies..."

I love this comment. 💕

I’m scared this might give the incoming administration some ideas

It’s gonna change next year to balancing 47 pounds of food on your head for 45 minutes. And thank goodness for that

🤣🤣🤣

Pretty much true already. I know from experience.

Don't give them any ideas...

That's great. Don't know what you do for a living, but what are you going to do when your job is replaced? Millions of people are going to ask this- what's your answer to their lack of ability to pay their rent and buy food?

The 1% of things a waymo can’t do are a problem. I don’t know if we are as close as you think

That’s right. Buried memory. I got them for a few months once and I could buy a cheap generic soda then put gas in my car. Rolling in the dough.

With the cost of food rising people are utilizing food banks more to supplement their money or food stamps for groceries. I don't know about anyone else but having to pay almost $22 for eggs is crazy in my book. In NY same eggs were $35 2 months ago. I don't even want to know what they are now.

That’s about right 😿

Sad thing is I thought this was real since it’s so close to being a reality

Not degrading enough for the GOP

This was the final test before I was inducted into kappa beta psi. It's harder to catch it with your mouth than you think. Dogs are so talented.

About time. The impoverished eating was not nearly entertaining enough.

Not far from the truth unfortunately.

You guys ever consider stealing some writers from the Babylon Bee? You really need some help.

😂

Love this. So twisted. So perfect.

Sick shit. I love it!

so many options

That's a bit on the nose don't you think?

I see this as totally happening

Great idea!

Damn you republicans! 😤

Just how the ultra-rich planned it.

Yes a block of cheese is about it

I don't know how many times I've had to convince people that it is still worth it to apply regardless of the amount of hassle involved. If you spend 2 days at the office to get approved, you're still getting a decent return. $291 a month × 6 months approval = $1,746 ÷ 16hrs = $109 per hr.

Careful. Don't give Eshlong any ideas.

Really? I thought it helped my niece buy food. We have to buy all the rest, TP, shampoo... Oh, she suddenly went blind at age 33.

That's the bottom line

I bet, many would..!

😁😁😁😁

After several decades, SNAP recipients still awaiting order to eat perfectly balanced food. Several recipients note: "I'm sore, I'm tired, and really really hungry."

Please don’t give them any ideas

I'd like to think this is satire, but who knows anymore.

Sadly, this would probably be better than where we're headed...because at least that guy in the photo would get to eat once allowed.

Wait………wait…..good boy

Amazing post. The layers of nuance. *chefs kiss*

The “Keep The Onion Satire” challenge

So I guess we can afford to give all of the billionaires all kinds of Tax Cuts that will cost us another couple of trillion dollars but we’ll have to take money from Social Security Medicare Snap & Medicaid & anything that helps us poor slobs

For clarification, I agree a select group of individuals in Our Country’s political environment Sole purpose is to govern for their donors and their political careers. (Bad Consequences)And a select group of individuals actually govern for their electorate. (Good Consequences)

Well according to the bible we are now in revelations. With the 4 billionaires of the apocalypse.

Yep. That’s what maga will enjoy, even though they are the majority on SNAP. Dunce 🧢 🥇

Publicly? In the public square? With a big sign saying LOSER. As a nation we throw out tons and tons of fresh food daily. We make dog food from rotten toxic waste from China and Guess what, there's always plenty of money for BOMBS!!! Overall humans are darn great people.

It’s the least they could do! Nobody gives me free cheese!

This is simultaneously one of the saddest and funniest things I’ve see lately @piperformissouri.bsky.social.

And while they’re balancing the food, looking up, they kill the program.

Well, that's a step up from dropping it from the air. Secured by whoever has the larger torso, supplied by God from birth.

Is this real? WTF

GOP disappointed that The Onion thought of this idea before they did.

… www.gainesville.com/story/opinio... www.bleedingheartland.com/2020/12/12/d... amp.theguardian.com/global/comme... newrepublic.com/article/1589... 4/4

This is funny if it were not true 😞

🤣

The Jesus freaks approve 👍

MTG probably saw that image of an Orca balancing a salmon…

Yikes. At Outback, the only thing we balance is flavor and vibes. And the command to eat? Always “go for it.” 🥩✨

Political Update Episode 30: After being named Time's Person of the Year (not a typo), Donald Trump rang the opening bell at the NYSE where he bragged that the rich will get richer and the poor can go suck a very expensive egg. podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/e... #Trump #NYSE #Politics

Waiting for this law to come out from the Trumpers.

Yet Governor Reynolds wants more....

Don’t give them any ideas 😂🤣

OMG I love that it is a cube of "government cheese"

Can we crowd fund the type of money needed to buy dis info wars? I so want y’all to own it

Don’t give them any ideas….

Is that govt. cheese?

LOL yeah I came to say this is prettymuch why I don't bother with benefits unless I'm actually facing starvation. The amount of work they make you do sometimes has eaten into the time I needed to find cash work. SNAP is great for poor families with kids, that's about it.

Onion, please use alt text for your visually impaired fans!

*painful laughing*

👏🙃

Dignity costs extra, and we need something to laugh at. Besides, Peter Thiel and Elon really used to dig Letterman's Stupid Human Tricks and ever since Letterman retired they've been looking to fill the gap. Follicles of billionaire baddness, unite, the games are about to begin. Hail the Aqua Net.

We can't buy booze with EBT cards!

We must learn from the seals to properly consume the nutrients

Squid games?

😅🤣

That seems fair. I mean even my dog can do it so how hard can it be?

Funny Not funny!!

Hey, the way things could go-this could happen

Now THIS is the sort of dehumanizing “charity” that conservatives can maybe get behind!

Another program to help the poor that will be gone when the Dictator is installed.

Don’t give them ideas.

Finally good news

Musk is pushing for this policy.

The simplest Photoshop is always the correct solution Nice work on the shadow

After all SNAP foods is decreed to be cube-shaped?

😭

As an eligibility and authorization worker for the SNAP program, this would be the least of the flaming dipped in shit hoops we make our hungry neighbors jump through

Don’t think Stephen Miller hasn’t proposed this.

Yeah I love it but is it too soon?