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Join and you'll get a superpower to melt an ice cube just by staring at it for 45 minutes.

Well, with the “Onion” you’ll probably smell it first… triggered by the logo. 👍🏼

Pretty clear that a majority of your fellow Texans don’t give a shit what you do.

This ACTUALLY made me LOL.

The climate demands a sacrifice. It's coming for you, Cruz. He knows.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Deport Ted Cruz.

The Fart of Texas!.

It gives him time to put the hotdog suit on.

They'll get over it. Ted will win every time he runs until the people of Texas have suffered enough to stop putting up with his antics. If the job of a politician is to get things done, how do you accomplish anything when everyone hates you?

Don’t judged, everyone grieves differently.

Imagine the sound of disbelief, of the rise of gall as I try to equate his stupid lies with truth. Sightseeing in Greece while Texas drowns, taking the lives of children, proving he doesn't care.

Hahaha

Irresponsible

😡...🤬!!!!!!

I am aspiring to be the human president of Earth! I have already figured out how to win over T'exas: slap an (R) next to my name in the ballot, and take millions in dark money from oil and military contractors. The purpose of my trip to Greece is to see how those earth humans behave.

You couldn't expect much more from a nicer bunch of people.

He should leave the US and keep on going across the planet until he falls off the edge 😂😂😂😂😂

Im sad. Going to ha e to go to Santorini and Paradise Island this week and next. Thank you Ted. You're the dumbest man I've read about in the past 6 minutes.

A place for everything and everything in its place.

It’s funny how in retrospect Rafael Cruz seems like a sane choice to be a GOP President. The bar has gotten so low. So low that you have to dig in the mud and feces in a hog pen to find it.

And the fat orange turd formerly known as trump: golfing, that’s how I do it

Wouldn't it be great if we could all go on holiday top Greece when we're grieving. The trouble is when you're grieving there is usually a mess to clear up. You can't just walk away, even if you had the cash.

Ugh. So gross.

That's the million dollar question!! He's never delivered for the people of Texas, everytime a crisis arrives, he's MIA. They need to make better decisions.

Well just saying not everyone in Texas is a “sack of shit” but obviously some are.

You have got to be shitting me...he actually said that...? JFC...he's a bigger moron than I thought possible, and trust me, that's saying something...

Yep

👍😂😂😂😂

He seems to grieve a lot.

F U C K T E D C R U Z

He heard that "Denial" is one of the stages of grieving and thought "a cruise sounds lovely"

Haven't you learned by now Teddy. DONT GO ON VACATION. You fucking idiot. No warning mother fucker. No fucking warning. I'm a weather nerd people need a simple heads up. Fuck Republicans good, bad and ugly. Fuck ALL Republicans.

He's such a piece of shit!

This IS a fact.

He did not say that. These Republicans have an excuse for every fucking thing. I can't believe it!!!! Shut up and do your fucking job. Your a liar

OMG.

Yes, Ted Cruz is not America. He was born in Canada.

OMG! Too soon. Too soon!!

Cruz's new book....My Favorite Places to Grieve.

A man does not grieve when he should be leading!

take a trip to Cuba!

That guy does an awful lot of GRIEVING....

seems like ted cruz has taken inspiration from @nightvaleradio.bsky.social’s city council!

Nailed it, Onion!

He had to pray to Athena for the flood victims (just in case Jesus wasn't running that show.)

I should be so lucky.

"not really... i made a killing on the sell of my soul"

Too credible. That could be a press release.

What a douche…can’t believe that they haven’t voted him out yet!!!🤬

Stupid

Be careful. You weren't born in the United States.

😳

Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer. 😁

We hate him in Texas.

Good for Ted. He told Texans for years who he is and they approved time and again. Let him vacation. He’s been busy fucking working class Americans out of their livelihoods.

🤣

Me too, Teddy. Me too.

Ted Cruz is a damn liar he vacations when she gets hot over here and people are dying. He's been paid off to shut his mouth. So he leaves on vacation until the heat comes down.

Yeah, and masturbation is how I have consensual sex.

The onion never misses

😏

Oh God, how rich!!!

Awwwww Texas got douched again by this demon? Boy fool Texans once … I guess they just dumb

I guess Cancun Cruz didn't learn the first time. I don't think he'll make president.

“Eating cake is how I diet.”

😂

This might go down as one of the greatest posts in history.

I would never grieve for you, Cruz. I would vacation and throw a giant party.

I wish he'd grieve on Mars. Elon! Oh, Elon. Please.

Loser

160 people have died from the flood in Texas and Ted Cruz has the complete audacity to say 'Vacationing Is How I Grieve'?

There is NOT A SINCERE, SENSITIVE, CARING BONE IN YOUR BLOATED BODY, MR. CRUZ

"I feel your pain but from far away, very far away."

TYPICAL self-serving NAZI MAGA goon/GOP tTX us senator & ESCAPE ARTIST . . .

www.youtube.com/watch?v=bV42...

And yet he was reelected. Shame on the voters.

He’s an ugly man Inside & Out

Oh Ted you fucking wanker!

"Ted" Cruise. Make sure you point out that this is his chosen name. Not the name assigned to him at birth.

He is such an idiot, how can Texans stand this guy? Of all people he should understand the benefit of immigrant asylum- his dad was a Cuban refugee, had a US student visa, became a Canadian citizen and resided there 3 years, where Cruz was born.

We’d throw IT’s Ass back over the wall to Mexico, but they don’t want him either!!

Thoughts and prayers

SOB

By now, Teddy ought to be cruzing to Mars!

Proof that Harvard does not graduate America's best.

Oh Please!

What a snot!

Everybody grieve different!

ahhh - the onion cruz might not have said this but everything we know about this face full of pubic hair would only check w this sentiment

I would laugh watching that giant twat keel over in cardiac arrest.

Ted Cruz: 'Vacationing is how I avoid responsibility and accountability and all of that tedious faux grievance I'm expected to display. Thoughts and prayers. Oh and uh they'll get over it. Now y'all just fuck off and let me get back to my cocktails'

His nose must be longer than his dick… his condescending lies are obnoxious and insulting. He must think we are as walled as his dick in on vacation!

After the last fiasco you would have thought he learned something.

Vacationing is how I grieve, But in my heart I'll never leave you And if your ass swing in wind and rain I'll cry me a river for you. Vacationing is how I grieve, Believe me when I say, I cry me a river for you. (steel guitar riff)

He must be in permanent mourning.

Even satire about this puke makes me angry these days. He's just so toxic and useless. Senators, the real welfare queens

Running away is how he grieves

The Onion used to be funny. Now it’s just regular news we all know already.

Sniffling while putting on sunscreen 🧴

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

I’m ONLY Surprised that Cruz didn’t try to throw his daughters into the flood to get sympathy just as he threw them under the bus for Cancun!

How many of us will follow and replace funerals with trips to Disney World?

Try that line with your boss!

Hell is a world where one can't be sure what is parody and what isn't anymore.

Takes the gold medal. Well done onion. 😂

World's most punchable face now with extra punchablity.

Is he taking a micro-retirement?

Ted, You Are Already A Proven Documented Endless Liar So Please SHUT THE FUCK UP And Stop Embarrassing Yourself....Don't Worry Because Texans Are So Dumb That They Get Their Misinformation From Faux News....

Skeet shooting off the fantail of a cruise ship honors the dead with a 21 gunshot salute.

Sucking trumps 🍄‍🟫even after he said his wife is ugly

Amazing work here, damn

👍🥳