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#GuardiansOfPedophiles (h/t @deanobeidallah.bsky.social)

When will they stop persecuting NAMBLA? 🤣

🥩🦴 Seems Trump urges to move on from societal disdain for pedophilia not only his supporters... ☝️😶‍🌫️ Soon Trump will have "beautiful" and "never seen before" talk with World Leaders about how to move on from societal disdain for pedophilia.

You did it again.

Note source.

Echoing the other comments, I thought you guys did satire. This is just objective fact at this point lol. 💀

I miss the days when The Onion was a satire source, and not the only voice of factual journalism left in America

This isn’t satire. It’s shit that’s actually happening in real life. 😒

They’re probably too old for him.

Man... how is this humor? This is just... facts.

The Onion moved to writing future headlines. That or the Onion does what is always did but this Universe took a hard turn into the Onion-verse.

Nope. 😉

Unless the Epstein victims get together and narrate an audio book describing their perils. Then, I'm pretty sure nobody will be able to move on from that.

I'm going to read up on Watergate and revisit an innocent time when breaking into a hotel room was scandalous.

President Pedophile DJ Trump: "I'm not a pedophile!!! I just liked f*cking underage girls! Especially when they said NO!"

He doesn't have to urge that hard. 😮‍💨

The Onion is still satire. It’s funny to imagine Trump being at least that honest. Instead, he will discredit, villify, and characterize victims as “adult-like offenders” who exploited Jeffrey Epstein’s tragic sex addiction for their own personal gain. Standard defense tactic in rape cases.

Love this.

This is going viral . MUST WATCH this Bee Gees song parody... . Thank you for your attention to this matter. . youtu.be/wi0Ye9qpmto?... .

The Onion isn't satire. It's just ahead of the curve.

AND domestic violence, too. What's going to be listed as OK next, torturing small animals?

Not if it’s Trump they don’t.

Onion starting to become a real news publication.

This would make a great joke if they ever had any to begin with

This sounds spot on. Not a parody tbh.

parody is dead , I read this as truth.

You know you're just writing facts now right?

C'mon ! We know he can't say the word, "societal" !

😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤

yeah after all, the real offence with pizzagate was having anchovy extra toppings on a four cheese, rather than anything involving satanic cabals.

Can't wait for the day the Onion stops making articles that sound 99% real when coming from the USA.

No, but for real.

Which they are seemingly doing

Ha don’t give him any ideas.

Whats sad, is that if this hadn't been an onion satire, I'd have believed it

That's not a joke. The RepubliNazi sleaze-o-sphere has already been working for months in lots of ways to 'normalize' sex with adolescent girls.

Took me a second to realise this was meant to be satire...

I'm afraid he is tho.

Ok, this one isn't satire. He actually has done this

I'm surprised he hasn't told us that there are very good people on the pedophile side

Yeah that’ll be the next crock he tries to sell ..

never forget how fascists will accuse ppl of being pedophiles to masquerade the fact that they're all pedophiles go support gaza oomfs bsky.app/profile/thef...

Oh cool, we're getting news from a few weeks in the future now?

🤢🤢🤮

I think this is the GOPs end goal.

I give it three more press conferences where someone brings Epstien up again before he does this.

Little girls not wanting to be raped by powerful Republican men like Donald Trump is a Democratic Hoax.

It’s getting harder and to distinguish between The Onion and the nyt.

Feel bad for onion writers these days...when reality becomes funnier than satire😄

You know he had sex with children and now Satan. ;)

Local Bully Lashes Out At Chicagoland After Being Raped by Russian Czar

Kinda hard to move on from this topic when repugs posted Hunter's dic pics. Remember that?

Over 60 Million Americans HAVE JUST lost their Rights !!!!!! www.youtube.com/watch?v=adNB...

Trump urges female supporters to stop being cunts by reporting domestic violence.

🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Damn, Onion, you nailed it.

As usual, the Onion distills the narrative down to it's essence.

He supports: Paedophiles Israeli Nazis Genocide Imprisonment of US citizens This is the shitshow the USA voted for. They call it a democracy, more like lunacy

Move on????

He would like everyone to move on from the Epstein files, can't believe his Magas want to hold him accountable for raping young girls.

His boss agrees.

Waiting for this to hit the mainstream media headlines 👀

You know it's bad when I can't even tell what's satire anymore.

🤦‍♀️😡

Fake morality

This is actually going to happen soon

yet another one that I had to do a double take to check the source after the headline

This seems more like truth than satire.