Tubs

"I maintain mechs" "Cool, what's that look like?"

pen spinning is hard

This story lives rent free in my brain

Defund musk!

Still waiting to hear a legitimate reason why we shouldn’t convert the entire country into one giant Walmart

If denial of aid endangers lives, then murder is self defense

Woke up today realizing assassinations are just extrapolated trolley problems

Text “Stop” to stop your sobbing.

Thoughts and prayers won’t get us schools without dead children. We will get what you voted for, and each round suffered by an innocent kid is one that ought to be put in your vacant garbage skull instead.

Going to the movies by yourself is one of life’s hidden pleasures. Just you and a large popcorn and some sour patch kids and all of your big goblin energy alone in the dark where nobody can see your shame. Priceless.

is die hard a christmas movie, is a hot dog a sandwich, should i kill myself in front of you to purposefully cause lifelong trauma

let eat

A Serbian Film is clearly a Christmas movie and anyone who can’t admit this is a coward

Who else is hungry for fox stew?

doesn’t even come close to explaining the scum brain florida trash that manage to slither out into human society, probably better if they don’t know about procreation

It’s problematic to have flesh because we all know what’s under it and we all want it

It’s time for another #promosky 🤜🏻 my balls 🤜🏻 my balls 🤜🏻 my balls 🤜🏻 my balls 🤜🏻 my balls 🤜🏻 my balls 🤜🏻 my balls 🤜🏻 my balls 🤜🏻 my balls 🤜🏻 my balls 🤜🏻 my balls 🤜🏻 my balls 🤜🏻 my balls 🤜🏻 my balls 🤜🏻 my balls 🤜🏻 my balls

police: come out with your hands up unitedhealthcare shooter: 🤌🤌

if you stand there at Costco with your phone like “it’s cheaper online” then consider the money you save by me not burning your car down with you in it instead

Evil but funny

I can’t go to my vacation home on mars anymore elon keep launching garbage at it

What a nice platform I’m sure nobody uses racial epithets on here

Last Christmas, I was convicted of fraud The very next day, I plead no fuckin way This year, to save me from tears I’ll embellish someone special

It’s hard dragging this thing everywhere, and I’m tired of it

Wanna know when Santa is coming to a chimney near you? The AN/APG-81 is an active electronically scanned array fire-control radar system designed by Northrop Grumman Electronic Systems for the Lockheed Martin F-35 Lightning II. It knows where Santa is at all times. It also knows where you are.

ALEXA STOP I HAVE THE BABY ON BOARD STICKER STO

Alexa stop

Alexa should I take my loud unreasonable offspring to the food court to scream?

🎶Hey there Delilah what’s it like in New York City? Why are CEOs taking backshots, lying dead and smelling shitty?🎶