Celery Dork

How can you not like Abdul? He's like a strong, loyal puppy dog. More like Al-Samoyed, am I right?

At this point the only vegetable that hasn't been recalled is Mitch McConnell.

I’m at the bread and circuses. I’m at the damnatio memoriae. I’m at the combination bread and circuses damnatio memoriae

People like Ryan make the Gathering(/community) of Magic what it is.

Because of reasons... I'm going to build a Zada deck. I'm going to sleeve it in Apex sleeves and stick it in a @quivertime.com Citadel box. Then I'm going to mail it to one of you. Like, comment, and share to enter. I'll pick a random winner June 1st. Please allow time for processing.

When you peep a dude Craving lentil-y food And a cart full at the South Asian mini-mall, And he's spent his last rupee You can wager you pricey toupee That the guy's only doin' it for some dal

Oh hey, that's my wife's nickname for me.

This is going to make the FIFA Peace Prize a laughingstock

The evil that men do lives after them

"In a typical day in Europe, you wake up, eat lunch, go to a museum, and then hit the town. Nobody is stressed about their job. That’s the benefit of a strong welfare state. Everyone is young and has lots of free time."

I hope there's a Ruth's Chris on the campus of John Hopkins. Or at least nearby.

They're doing these live-action movie remakes on newer and newer films these days. Conclave now??

My husband and I run a game store and after all the tariff announcements, he decided to write out kind of a "behind the scenes" of how we spend and spill it out for people who don't understand. He's had so many reactions and shares I wanted to bring it here, too.

I have tariffed the penguins that are on Heard Island and which you were probably assuming did not export goods forgive me they were taking advantage of us so cunning and so cold

Suddenly I'm getting a weirdly high number of b a s k e t b a l l related posts and I have no idea why. I don't care about the sport at all. Baseball, sure, I could live with. But certainly not the professional level of the other one.

democrats won’t admit it, but my family’s economic outlook has gotten a LOT better since Trump took office. but what do i know? i don’t have a fancy economics degree, i’m just a regular guy who runs an airplane scrapyard

Maybe I wasn’t clear about this. I wanted more egg and no plane crash, not many plane crash and no egg.

The facial and physical acting on Severance this season is absolutely incredible. If you're not watching it, you really should be.

ME: I got you some flowers, honey! MY BEE WIFE: (rolling her five eyes) Oh great, more work

I used to conjure up numerous elaborate Tolkien/Star Wars mashup scenarios, and now my brain can't stop doing it without thinking. Force of hobbit, you know?

Sorry I'm late; my lunch was full of herbs. You know how thyme-consuming that can be.

Someone watering down your liquor will really dampen your spirits.

Saw this holiday moss display at Frederick Meijer Gardens in Grand Rapids MI and could only think of @andrewhunterm.bsky.social.

Man, I'm hitting like on about 10 times the posts as normal this morning. Way to bring it on Xmas, Bluesky.

Ah, the wonderful feeling of a 7am dentist appointment, followed by going out to the car where my coffee has been waiting to re-stain it all.

To all the poor folks who had to sing "Mary Did You Know" in church on this second Sunday of Advent: I know you're out there somewhere, I see you (I don't want to hear you), and things can be made better if you will them to be.

Change. org petition to officially call those throat singer guys "didgeridudes"

Remarkable how readily a council can construct temporary shelter for people, provided it's for a Christmas market.

One downside of Bluesky is that now that the bot posts are out in obvious force (stupid fake 🐷 videos), its almost more disheartening because at least youd expect to be inundated with that crap elsewhere

Why does the grocery store only sell pistachios? Why not happyachios or at least stolidachios. Frankly, we need a conversation about mental health in the achio community.

Thinking back on when I sang a song about self-harm, drugs, and depression in front of loads of people at my Christian high school choir performance as a nerdy senior. Johnny Cash's version of Hurt is just that powerful though, that it went over super well.

Puking, given that it's a wee bit traumatic to occur, should be referred to as "nom flashbacks."

What's the difference between a Pampers filled with pee and the Year of Jubilee? One's a wet diaper; the other's a debt wiper.

I cast iron pan

It is a fact that any popular song that features the word "dancin'" will inevitably be morphed in my mind to be partially rewritten about Ted Danson. 🎶IIIIII'm gonna meet Ted Danson at the Pink Pony Club🎶

I'm sick of watercress. Give me some creases for other beverages. I would eat the shit out of some Pepsicress.

Hey, while we're getting underway here, can we set a rule that you're not allowed to start your posts with an all-caps "BREAKING:" pretty please?

Hitting a spot where I absolutely need to get rolling on applications for a new job (neither I nor my current employer are satisfied right now), but the motivation is completely sapped by the time I get home after work. Cycles enabling cycles - fun!

Update on the EDH night from the weekend: did indeed play Narset, and Animar, but the only times I won were with the Anikthea pre-con (twice) and I cast my commander only once between those two games 🤷‍♂️ Precons have gotten very solid.

The sky really has been bluer on this other side! Couple things I can quibble on: it's really easy to inadvertently open links that I don't mean to when scrolling the timeline. And unless I'm stupid, there's no clear bookmark feature? I could miss that.