aburtonmatt.bsky.social

Me to my rakish poet friends after we see Volpone in 1606

This is just a fucking carjacking. How the hell was he supposed to know it was a state sponsored carjacking. what the fuck are we doing here.

If you're in these 3 states, *TODAY* is deadline to register to vote. Alaska Rhode Island South Carolina Even if you think you've registered: doesn't hurt to check everything is in order. Do it now. And there's a lot to vote for across them. A thread with stakes on each. ⬇️

I hope things get better.

If this is legal then we have no law. If this is permissible then everything is permitted.

Remember at the beginning of the Iran war when Hegseth was like “we’re done with WOKE WARS. ok???? We’re done with the geneva CUCKventions. We’re doing only warfighter warrior wars now” and then they got absolutely wrecked over and over and over again

I feel like I’m living In a dystopian novel written in 1993 that was rejected by dozens of publishers because it was incredibly stupid.

The five Simpsons lines I’ve uttered most: 5) “she needs premium dude!!!! Premium!!!” 4) “mmm… gummy venus” 3) “I’ll get you for this, Midlerrrr!!!” (Explodes) 2) Skinner in steamed hams: “…. No.” 1) all of Goulet’s lines but especially “Ohh! I’m sorry kid!” after clocking milhouse with a mic

Cannot CHECK PHONE in combat. Cannot CHECK PHONE in combat. Cannot CHECK PHONE in combat. Cannot CHECK PHONE in combat. Cannot CHECK PHONE in combat. You were killed by DARK WIZARD!

He was the tangerine

I enjoyed The Odyssey (2026) but I have one historical nitpick. The phrase “Jiminy Christmas” is a minced oath for “Jesus Christ”. As the story is set around 1200 B.C. it is unlikely that Odysseus would have said the phrase even once, let alone the dozens of times he says it in the film

Are we sure it isn’t Jared Earsaacman

BREAKING: Mitch McConnell has descended into the In-Between and is meeting with Berath, God of Death. His soul will soon either be cast back onto the Wheel or he will agree to return to Eora as Herald of Berath after character creation and importing his choices from the first Trump administration

Horrifying, and any news outlet that fails to mention his obviously virulent racism whenever he comes up should have to close up shop imo

Somehow the beams are also covered in algae

tired of the "#1 dad" nonsense. if you're a dad, stop treating it like a joke and post your actual national dad ranking. i'm # 492,018, which is actually really high up there, but more importantly it lets me enter ranked dad lobbies where i can get matched up for fistfights with dads of my caliber

an obscenity. we live in monstrous times

"a goofy movie": a humble title. why it's not even necessarily "the" goofy movie. we simply, respectfully offer you this story for your consideration "doug's 1st movie": the hubris of icarus. the unbridled audacity to imply that this is only the 1st chapter of the Doug Cinematic Universe. pathetic

Walking through a big NYC park on Eid today, with tons of celebrating families grilling, everybody happy, kids playing with their parents, I am struck by how obviously wholesome it is. It stuns me a bit to recall the many people in power today who would eagerly vilify these folks for power or profit

Note to democrats: “he has been robbing you blind, every single day” is a kitchen table issue

Socialism Sucked Me Off??

Next time reactionaries deploy an overt, half-century-long plan to fundamentally corrupt our judiciary we might wanna, I dunno, try to stop them

it is important to emphasize that this was *the point*. this was *intentional*. elon musk is a vicious white supremacist who thinks poor african children ought to die, so that the world can be whiter

Woof. Worse and worse from him. Guy had promise once, but this really ain’t it

“I AM PLEASED TO REPORT THAT OVER THE LAST TWO DAYS AN ANGEL HAS VISITED ME IN MY SLEEP AND I HAVE HAD VERY GOOD AND PRODUCTIVE SEX WITH IT,” read the lengthy, all-caps post

The name’s Crude…. Brent Crude

No, Mr. Bond. (Bold text) I expect you to die. (End bold text.) Let’s walk through what will happen when this laser hits your junk. - Loss of genital function — cancel any dates you’ve got, James. 😢 - Death — mentioned this one above, so you know it’s coming already, but just another heads up. ✅

most of my anger towards dems is they repeatedly invoke this trope and then do not govern, either in majority or minority, as if it was true. whereas i actually often do believe it and believe the responsibility to act like it’s true extends past the first week of november

No. This is somewhere to be. This is all you have, but it's still something. Streets and sodium lights. The sky, the world. You're still alive.

“direct your anger at trump not the democrats” buddy you are severely underestimating the amount of anger i have available to me

The briefings! Won’t somebody please think of the briefings??

Today’s military strikes on Iran — carried out by the United States and Israel — mark a catastrophic escalation in an illegal war of aggression. Bombing cities. Killing civilians. Opening a new theater of war.

An NPR investigation finds the public database of Epstein files is missing dozens of pages related to sexual abuse accusations against President Trump. n.pr/4qTItsU

im still of the mind that trump isnt gay, but a type of flamboyance allowed to hetero reactionaries that only existed in 70/80s new york

Just saw “fuck ICE” written in what I assume is urine in the snow in an NYC park, with pretty excellent pen(is)manship

Never heard literally any of his songs and that stunned me and brought tears to my eyes

like at a certain point it is easier to just run a candidate with popular policies than a dogshit one with awful policies who you have to somehow scold people into pretending is good. far too much work, that

ELON MUSK: your island is so freaking like, based. it's seriously like effing amazeballs. i'm going to basically be making like all of mars totally just like the same as how epic this is STEPHEN HAWKING: jeff rey why, did you in vite, this lame, ass nerd

Kristi Noem Calls On Minneapolis Residents To Stop Obstructing Murders https://theonion.com/kristi-noem-calls-on-minneapolis-residents-to-stop-obstructing-murders/