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Steal

Every moment of undue shame you’ve ever felt has become a moth

girl on date with big mosquito: Hey. Sorry im late. I was scared man size mosquito: 𝐛𝐢𝐠 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐭 waiter: Hello. Can i get you guys drinks. man size mosquito: 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝 girl on date with big mosquito: Water and coke or pepsi. And tea waiter: We dont have blood man size mosquito: 𝐢 𝐬𝐦𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝

I have a lot of exclusive branded offers, if you even care

Kind of fun to think about how wildly the value of a year of my working life compares in value to a box of GPUs’ and their expected work output

Before we go any further I think it’s important for us to clarify: which Lola are we talking about? The one from the original animated series, or the one from Space Jam?

recurring dream of the World Mall that covers the planet

Clarifying to the press pool that this is one of the times I’m using the wrong name for someone to be racist and not one of the times I’m doing it because of dementia

Saturday remains questionable.

Meet me in the sake dojo

Instagram is the app for finding out which of your high school friends need money for OxyContin

This ruling class has no master plan, its all vibes

Putting my kids in their pods for the night

Belgian Malinois were bred to do policy moderation on early world web web forums

they dont let you roll on the ground anymore. someone comes pick you up

i think it's arrogant to say you "created" a joke. i think it should be like math where the idea is all the jokes exist and we just haven't discovered some of them yet

I feel a great sense of kinship with everybody waiting parallel with me at this stop sign but everybody waiting perpendicular to me is my mortal enemy

Me: does bimonthly mean every two months, or twice a month? English: we don’t have different words to differentiate between those two things, it could be either one. Me: what is a group of ground worms called? English: a “clew”

Big News

I heard that GTA VI is based on the life of Robert Moses

Getting out the proboscis for this one

there should be a 🌳forest🌲on bridges you have to go through. on foot. and your car leave behind

Hearing rumors they’re coming out with “October 2” next month

We are not saddened to hear about anything. All sound makes us joyous

Brother I almost burned the house down four times making Trader Joe’s. Never give up on your dream

Uncrustables-based economy

Bluesky should sell food

three emails... what could this mean....

Explore the scarabs of Canada’s Northern Provinces

I once knew a woman who could divine the entire personality and predilections of a man and his future by the pattern the stars made on the day of his birth, and the relative positioning of the heavenly bodies. She separated man into 12 classes of being, each modeled after a representative animal.

Ectoplasm is just “goo” for people ashamed of goo

a series of unactionable insights

Joe Biden taught me that a old man can eat ice cream but the bill eventually comes due

I found this somewhere in the recent past. Can't recall where. Similar eh

i wish baseball teams could resolve their differences without resorting to baseball

Moonlight on the Lake by John Atkinson Grimshaw.