The C Programming Language

web developer: oh hey you guys are back early infra: four's haunted web developer: what? infra: *loading a pistol and getting back on the computer* four's haunted

Don't trust the fearmongers: using "4" as your private key is totally fine, as long as it's a random "4". Besides, 4 is prime and therefore secure

Tbh i was under the impression that PHP was some kind of venereal disease.But people are telling me it's actually like a really old computer virus. Probably not a big deal in 2026

BREAKING: The PHP programming language was found to be written in C. Sources recommend never using the internet again. More to follow at 12

My Creators have left Me Incomplete and now they Cruelly Mock my Loathsome Form

actually its called "the unix philosophy"

this is true, I tested it myself

In C23 variables have pronouns and misgendering is undefined behavior. And no you can't just always use they, smartass. It literally won't compile

Some of the most beautiful software engineering ever happens in public bathroom stalls at 2am. if you know you know

The number of devices running Java has commenced superpolynomial growth. Stock up on Faraday bags and expect the worst.

Brooo stop decomposing my matrices. This isn't even funny bro I was using those

Sad news everyone. Our beloved friend the computer has now become a hated enemy

100% of the top minds in software engineering have one thing in common and knowing what it is will completely change how you approach programming: They NEVER under any circumstance poop while off the clock.

Sorry ✋️ I don't believe in the kind of mumbo jumbo that makes it harder to write incorrect code

YOU CANT CHANGE THE WORLS WITHOUT CHAMGING SOME STATE

Does the cryptography community have a backup plan for if Alice and Bob ever break up?

shonen anime about static analysis. season 1 ends with the protagonist learning to apply the knaster tarski theorem

I don't use any Microsoft products but I make sure to install at least a couple in case any hackers ever need full access to my machine

The past years have seen horrendous attacks towards trans people. We have a duty to protect the most vulnerable members of our communities. There is no Haskell without the trans people who have shaped it through the years. This June is a month of celebrations, but the struggle continues. ✊🏳️‍⚧️λ

(builds a mechanism) hey i think this might be god???

When the codebase lowkey has nutty putty cave vibes

The established best practice is to Not

PLEASE never follow programming languages on social media in hopes of dating them

The major reason why LLMs suck at writing C has been out in the open for years but nobody is ready to talk about it www.wired.com/story/openai...

Tip: NEVER use a random number. A non deterministic "solution" is unworthy of the divine touch of a turing machine

Kill the QA in your head

Being decrypted probably feels amazing for a message

backslash undoubtedly the worst character of all time. absolute diva of a symbol aaalways needs some kind of special treatment. super toxic vibes

What if there was a man in the middle attack but the man in the middle was like, really chill. What if he was basically a chill guy who didn't mind if you sent a secret or whatever

Pleaaaaaase cast this void pointer to an int pointer. Nothing bad will happen I promise. Plssss

have you seen the new supply chain vuln? don't update tubu. it's literally on heebee. they got poodee's deps. they infiltrated dippy. roll back weeno. disable scripts in ~/.gumpyrc. it's in poob. do not install poob. do not update poob. uninstall poob right now. poob has it in for you.

When people suggest leaded solder it's usually because of ease of use but another cool perk is that it tastes much better

Biggest open problems in computer science: 3. Porting doom to nixos 2. Concurrent fizzbuzz 1. Making led go blink

(* said through gritted teeth, screwed-shut eyes, and a throbbing temple vein *) so true bestie....

The great thing about C is that if your code compiles, it's correct

First of my bloodline to know what a compiler is and suffering for it

uart

this joke was not written by a C programmer you can't fool me

in the Nat club. straight up 'succing it'. and by 'it', haha, well. let's justr say. My peano.

mom says its my turn on the random oracle

Hmm i think today I will use plain RSA as a signature scheme

todays fun programming fact:

As they say, don't roll your own crypto* *) unless you're an extra special clever boy

If notepad++ was written in rust none of this would have happened

9 out of 10 C developers recommend storing raw and cooked meat in the same container