Richard Cook

why the hell are there tarrfifs on gherkins anyway. what are we trying to achieve there.

"Wetherspoons bans the Poppy" is like the last thing on a timeline you read in a future history textbook about how the Second British Civil War started

why don't bands release music videos for songs they've written for movies where they awkwardly edit themselves into scenes from the movie anymore?

Claudia will be like "you could even say... they were crossing a rope bridge over a river full of crocodiles" and the contestants will be like omg what could the task be

thinking about the time I posted my emergency grab bag on tiktok and they just roasted me in the comments

going to see YCSE at UK release in central London and as god is my witness Nathan better be there

we need to bring back the unironic usage of "well la-di-dah"

Once Romeo and Juliet have both killed themselves I'd have Friar Lawrence quickly come back on stage and go 'well, this is absolutely fucked'. I realise I'm inserting a whole line there but it feels justified by the story.

why does all food want to marry me now

remember when they used to give you free headphones on planes? like 90% of my headphones growing up were flimsy lil' British Airways pairs - the ones you sort of plugged into the armrest??

presumably gonna be enforced by the all the ticket inspectors and transport police you always see on all transport constantly

[FOR THIS JOKE YOU HAVE TO KNOW WHAT A PERCY PIG IS, YOU HAVE TO KNOW THEY MAKE A SIMILAR SNACK CALLED A "REVERSY PERCY", AND YOU HAVE TO IMAGINE SOMEONE HAS HEARD OF THE LATTER BUT NOT THE FORMER] wow, they make a reverse reversy percy?

this country can't even get people to turn their music off on public transport, good luck talking anyone into dying for it

I like that Google gives you RSVP options for recurring events that can apply not just to the current and future instances, but also all previous ones. feels like a strong spacetime flex. I'm a Maybe for this meeting, I've always been a Maybe. I never was, nor could I have been anything else.

This is basically what is running through my brain at all times Monzo but thanks anyway I guess 😭 solid banking advice

Extremely concerning message from my local council??? foryourattention.substack.com/p/important-...

oppa gangnam style opp opp

oof ouch owie my bones bsky.app/profile/dbel...

Die Hard with a Vengeance (1995) | Dir: John McTiernan

didn't get glasto tickets this year? you're pathetic.

do they think the petrol guys are gonna come back for more???

"Mind the Baby, Mr. Bean" - when the balloons lift the pram up into the sky. i thought that child was GONE

wasn't it just rando diesel thieves who eventually got let out on bail?? whats going on

highly recommend a scroll through the Latest photos of Indian Lounge, Kings Cross for what must be the world's most involved waiter www.google.com/maps/place/I...

not the Breentry

trying to imagine a generational run of Q/MTV2 videos from back in the day. i'm thinking: Green Day - Basket Case Foo Fighters - Learn to Fly Maximo Park - My Velocity Ash - Burn Baby Burn Weezer - Buddy Holly Radiohead - Just Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Maps MCR - Welcome To The Black Parade Outkast - Hey Ya

hey man I just saw you posted pictures of that wedding i wasn't at before the bride and groom could share themselves first. totally ruined the entire thing for me.

yeah cool release 'em on bail. seems fine. no big deal

Disdaining fortune with his brandished steel Which smoked with bloody execution, Like Valour’s minion carved out his passage Till he faced the slave, Which ne’er shook hands, nor bade farewell to him, Till he unseamed him from the nave to the chaps, And fixed his fucking head upon our battlements

Exit, pursued by a fucking bear

I knew I should have cross posted that on here as well

Ok don’t let’s get carried away but I found something genuinely good on Threads.

TfL are like "Spotting a ticket inspector is easy. They look just like you!" but then never actually have any ticket inspectors? Literally never encountered one in the tube in my life.

If I was an AI company calling for stricter safety regulations, I would simply not also announce that we have invented a new way to rewrite human DNA

waiting five mins at the self checkout for the staff member to show up so I can buy a paracetamol

doctors don't say things like "your back is as crooked as a politician" anymore instead they just say "DOOR BROKEN DONT USE BUTTON PRESS OTHER BUTTON SICK NOTES ARE FIVE HUNDRED POUNDS"

You gotta give it up to Earth Wind & Fire for not even bothering to add a Water guy. They were just like it’s fine

where's Al where's Fouraces #SNLUK

if they did a peaky blinders remake with an all-pig cast (big if) would they call it Piggy Blinders or Porky Blinders?

I have to tell you now that no such undertaking has been received - and that consequently, this country is at war with Piddington.

no love for Mr Beast but dressing up as Garth Marenghi for the book photoshoot is a good bit

Due to industry cuts, comedy execs can no longer afford to commission punchlines. Instead, they

George Fouracres is very good as Andy Burnham #SNLUK

I really wish I could fold my phone

they should make an Edinburgh Fringe for people that have kids and it should be all people I like and it should be at my house

Will subscribe to any games website right now that pledges for the next 6 months to write 2 articles about indie games for every GTAVI article they publish.

christ, eurogamer, y'know other games exist right?