dave

hot take: if you are trying to make your 3-year old a social media star i am not going to take you at your word

i said ASS

Ah yes, classism towards small business owners

Austin has an in-N-Out now if she wants her only shot at a double double ever

We acknowledge that no one has the bandwidth for this, but if it helps: -It’s ‘sleight of hand’ -It’s ‘bated breath’ -It’s ‘lo and behold’ -It's 'buck naked' -It’s ‘brass tacks’ -It’s ‘free rein’ -It’s ‘toe the line'

I knew the vibes were even more fucked after picking up kalshi man and the dipshit who cheated on the most attractive woman ever

i know the death penalty is bad but can we just make an exception

JK Rowling’s transphobia has ruined Harry Potter. That is a shame, there was a real magic in the fantasy of it. As a kid, I always loved imagining going to private coed boarding school. Inheriting a big pile of money. Drinking non alcoholic beer. Owning a little slave guy

Huge follow-up reporting to my scoop: The Guardian confirmed America Next—the conservative nonprofit founded by Bobby Jindal that was offering students $ to disrupt El-Sayed events—paid a firm registered to Tommy Teepell’s dad Timmy $250k for “canvassing and influencer marketing” against El-Sayed.

maybe it's oversimplifying things but it really feels like the majority of shitty people i read about are just different flavors of narcissist and that we've only really figured out how to deal with narcissists re: individual relationships and not what to do if they are trying to control our society

no, he won’t.

10/10

i love my hockey team full of evil bastard men

"as an ai skeptic we still have to ask ourselves the ethical questions around ai gaining consciousness" no we don't. it's not conscious. we can just simply agree on this and then turn off the machine and then [redacted] every ai ceo

genuinely who gives a fuck what this guy thinks

Just unlocked new archetype: “Kentucky Bourbon Castle Pervert”

Expecting the worst works

"awwww, is that what you peons want? lol should've created an actual democracy then. we're going to be running on giving healthcare CEOS prima nocta" - chuck schumer

[OBJECTIVE COMPLETE: GET BABY BACK TO SLEEP] time bonus (<15:00): 10000 pts no pacifier: 2500 pts no bottle: 2500 pts burp: 1000 pts smooth crib transfer bonus: 1.25x multiplier Rank: S reward unlocked: a full REM cycle [BONUS OBJECTIVE: NOW YOUR TODDLER IS CRYING FOR SOME REASON]

I would put a lot of money on the onside kick getting recovered here

I'm ascending. Incredible.

imo Florida should continue to run the ball down auburn’s ugly throat

i have never and will never wrote a "draft" im not here to workshop bits, that degree of effort and dedication is unbecoming

what a great bit

New: Macklemore says Robert Kraft — who owns Gillette Stadium, where Macklemore & Ed Sheeran were to perform later this month — called Sheeran. Kraft rallied other owners together behind an ultimatum for Sheeran: if Macklemore stays on the tour, you won't be allowed in our venues.

fuck ohio state

miami is bad, it is a lousy sports city, the dolphins are a cruel joke, i left it and will never regret it, but i will be god-damned if fans of other AFC east teams are going to talk shit about it. it's not our fault all the worst people from your cities like our weather

if only we could've convinced him to hoop instead of tryna kill ppl :'(

instant block on this account

the present danger of AI is not it becoming skynet, it is that your local public housing authority is definitely trying to use chatgpt to process housing vouchers

DLSS 5 is just a lighting pass and not an ai hallucin--

WOOF no thank you

i realize this is not the thing that everyone (including myself) is mad about but it's very funny to write this and think it would work. you're asking the average american to choose between risking two or three years in iran or declaring chapter 7 bankruptcy and losing effectively nothing

my brain shot out my nose when i saw this

What a coincidence! The resolution to condemn DSA moves forward by just a single vote. Two Democrats voted for it, the exact number the Republicans needed to get it through! The Republicans sure are lucky!

boy I can’t wait until this guy is publicly executed for his crimes

one piece of advice i can share as a parent: certain phases can be really tough, but they do pass. around 18 months my son kept demanding that i condemn hasan piker. all day and night too, i was at the end of my rope. now he’s really into fire trucks. it’s always something new

goddamn did rockstar really nail it with the recreation of miami, it is uncanny

gatekeeping is good sometimes

people are mad at calling this mental illness, but if the guy said "I told him he is a space alien and wants to destroy humanity" that would be no less delusional than what he actually said. thinking and believing that an entire race of people are a danger to you is a literal delusion and that's ok

im sorry but the vibes around the heat were already pretty bad, now they're rancid

ok so we can rule out her being a vizier, but the fact someone in the white house called this a "christian devotional relationship" has me thinking that that is just what christians call domestic abuse