Randal Cooper passed the bar exam in Middle-Earth

Hey guys, here’s a little something I wrote:

I’m not surprised that JD can’t correctly pronounce words like “Egypt” and “Iran.” According to his memoir, fifteen years ago he didn’t know what a fork was.

Entering the country without a valid passport, huh? Sounds like we have just the department for that!

53 is the new 20 when it comes to sending a photo of grampaw’s wrinkly old trouser weasel to a lady who didn’t ask for it.

If you needed another reason not to vote for Marsha…

You’d think having five women accuse you of rape, in addition to the one you defamed AND your now-deceased ex-wife, would encourage people to not vote for you. Instead it just makes the rest of us never want to be alone in the company of Trump supporters. www.miamiherald.com/news/nation-...

Do we have enough military left to try to launch a “regime change” coup in Brazil, what with the three other wars we’re currently losing?

I’m looking forward to a “Minaj” being a mesurement of time equal to a single press conference.

Every president sometimes says something that makes him seem out of touch: Obama implied that the decor at the Cheesecake Factory is tacky, and Donald Trump forced a thirteen year old girl to suck his dick at one of Jeffery Epstein’s parties.

While I never sent a single fundraising text, or gave/sold a list of people who donated to me to anyone (and yes, people have asked)—I’m sure ActBlue has sold my donor list to everyone on the planet, and for that I apologize.

PSA: if you’re concerned about furries voting in American elections, I have bad news for you about the number of pedophiles and people who support pedophiles voting in American elections.

Ramaswamy has produced an attack ad weaponizing the rape of his opponent, Amy Acton, when she was 12 years old. It features Acton’s mother, who abandoned Acton after she was raped by her step-father, fleeing the state with her husband. Here is the corporate money helping fund that ad.

Aaron Pierre as James Bond, Matt Berry as M.

Did I miss a story about undocumented immigrants driving citizens to the polls to early vote?

Pete Hegseth’s mom excoriated him, and she never became a fugitive from justice with a child rapist AFAIK. I think Trump just loves child rapists.

ACAB includes mall cops.

Precisely this. If you’re a liberal running for office, they’re going say you want to forcibly castrate little boys and force women to have abortions no matter what your positions are so there is zero reason to compromise your principles.

Pretty sure that’s not what Jesus meant when he said that. But it would have made a very different gospel if he had.

holy smokes, conan strikes up a chat with a random lady on the subway and she immediately starts riffing on his level, no problem.

This, of course, is the same thing Guilfoyle just got canned for. Nothing will happen to Habba, of course. Not even a referral for disbarment.

They republicans learned long ago that if you lie about an individual they can sue for defamation but if you like about an entire group literally nothing happens.

The thing people don’t seem to understand is that one-year-old Kohen Wiley had, only the day before, whistled at a white woman.

This will also happen if we just nationalize SpaceX and won’t be some weird CEO bullshit.

…And do you disavow O Brother Where Art Thou?

Trump is so full of shit. When people talk about a male diva, the first name—really the only name—that almost anyone can think of is Mark Mothersbaugh.

Stephen King: In my book I invented the demon car Christine as a cautionary tale Elon Musk: At long last, we have created the demon car Christine from classic horror novel Christine

SCOOP: 'Tommy' from the now-viral exchange with Abdul El-Sayed is Thomas Teepell, a former staffer for Republican Senator Josh Hawley with close ties to Christian Nationalist Sean Feucht. He's the son of a former Bobby Jindal staffer whose consultant work was instrumental in getting Hawley elected.

I’ll believe anything Elon Musk says about the Roadster the red hot instant he drives a Cybertruck off the Santa Monica pier into the sea to prove it works, temporarily, as a boat.

What do you mean “right now?”

One thing that isn’t noted here is that in 2022 the first week of early voting only had *one* location open. Versus the 15 that are open this year.

God. Some VP at my company with no object permanence is gonna make me do a study on how we can build flying cars in our factory.

You Only Live Twice for Tax Purposes

love this li’l dual-meme headcanon/observation via tumblr too

It’s important to make a note of when you’re wrong so you can do better, so mea culpa—I was wrong about her getting fired and the jury’s still out about the incriminating photos.

When you put “can read at an eighth grade level” in the skills section of your resume.

The funny thing is you can achieve the same thing Business Godsmack suggested vis a vis serotonin by simply bringing your wife to orgasm, but he wouldn’t be capable of that, obviously.

Generally speaking, announcing that you’re staying on / going back to Twitter predates the announcement that you’re leaving liberal society by about six months. See: Taylor Lorenz