Ian

Reasons to follow me: •I’m gay •I’m nonbinary •I’m a chemist •I’m hot •not following me is homophobic and transphobic •I’m funny

9/11 should have happened to hogwarts

Can’t wait for tio becerra to do nothing but make life worse for everyone

what happened to if you have time to lean you have time to clean. or does that only apply to me making $7.25/hr to sell shitty frozen yogurt and not the highly paid murder squad

New York Times with their finger on the pulse.

Ok so total abolishment of the entire industry then

sorry, but the Founding Fathers' original intent for the 2nd Amendment was always *just* to do school shootings

(explaining the current situation in a way liberals can understand) you know how at the end of deadpool 2 they have to get the goody two shoes russian metal man fight dirty?

Reminder that there is only one language that the right understands

Isn’t this the bridge from until dawn?

What do we call posts on here? Bleets? Skeets?

Damn, y’all are out of ideas apparently

Someone’s got to do it to everyone in the admin

You will never guess who they’re saying this about

Part of the reason this app is boring is because there aren’t enough schizophrenic right wingers on here.

Ok chat, I need you to come up with a punny name for my Drosera capensis

I’m an Israeli disc jockey, and this is my rave

Ich schleiban austa be clair, es kumpent Madre Monstère Aus-be aus-can-be flaugen, begun be üske but-bair

The Epstein files aren’t real, but even if they were real, I’m not on them. But they’re not real and I wouldn’t be on them if they just so happened to be real.

Guys I’m innocent, trust. In fact I’m so innocent that I’m offering the person who would implicate me a lighter sentence just to make sure I’m not implicated.

Diva Down!

Hmmmm

Liberals are so funny lmfao

"He was kind of a wannabe Frenchman" "Ah, a oui-aboo?" Then I had to explain my really good/bad pun because the audience was not *quite* online enough for that joke 💀

Hit or miss? I guess I always miss 😔

I’m convinced that accelerationism is a coping mechanism

if 90% of the population still got its news from 3 tv stations "the president elect got congress to cut child cancer research" would lead his political party into at least 8 years of darkness but unfortunately the internet has a few downsides

Insurance Company Celebrates 50 Billionth Fucking Over Of Customer theonion.com/insurance-co...

COLE: COOP, THEY CAUGHT THE CEO SHOOTER. HIS NAME WAS TONY SPAGHETTI, REAL BOY NEXT DOOR. ABS LIKE ADONIS. POLITICAL IDEAS OF A FUTON. PERHAPS THE IDEAL MAN

Lost Woods Rave

Looking for a boyfriend, send me your applications

If I ever become rich I’m gonna buy a sarcophagus bed so I can dramatically wake up in the morning

I genuinely don't think I can handle the next four years of New York Times headlines. Kill me now.

last oomfmas I gave you my tea but the very next day you clocked it away

Sorry I forgot to reply to you, I’ve been trapped in my “dark night of the soul”

At my funeral there’ll be a 37 minute montage of me trying to find something to watch on Netflix

I. JUST. WANT. THE. RECIPE. I. DON'T. WANT. FOUR. PAGES. OF. STORY. ABOUT. HOW. THIS. WAS. YOUR. AUNT. LINDA'S. FAVORITE. DISH. ON. WINTER. ESCAPES. TO. THE. MOUNTAINS.

I received the Merck Index for my birthday. I’m a happy they/them

Sitting in the airport for an hour, AMA