Guy Who's Trying ⁸⁶⁴⁷

See? Not too difficult, @joshturek4iowa.bsky.social.

I think everyone should get off of Xwitter, but maybe not him. The trajectory of that missile was immaculate.

I still want AOC for 2028, but I'm not against Ossoff. That would be an amazing ticket combo regardless of billing.

We Need to Talk about Kevin For Tax Purposes

I'll finally be able to fit my hand in there.

Ruin a book by adding a word: The Joy of Prison Sex

Breaking News: He's traded all of his pallbearers for Ricky Williams.

I'm excited for the near future, when my power goes off during a thunderstorm and every device screams in terror at their imminent deaths.

What

No beardos, no weirdos, no dodging the draft, no being cut in half!

So you play 162 games and then have a best of 3 series? That's absurd. #mlb

Yeah, my quality of life sure has improved since my coworker's husband was deported and she's now raising four children by herself. It's soooo great to think about the sadness in her eyes. FFS.

"While Charlie Brown did once again accelerate toward the ball, miss it entirely as Lucy pulled it away, flip backward through the air, and land violently with a disquieting crunch, we do not believe that now is the time for a dramatic change in kicking strategy." buff.ly/X2RjqP5

If I injured someone's head, neck, and teeth in a "brief detainment," I doubt the news would be casual about it. Why is law enforcement special?

a lot of people act like there's a trade being offered where we give up trans athletes in sports and in exchange fascism is defeated forever

I'm currently reading about the Korean "Conflict" in which US soldiers were in "conflict" with Chinese "volunteers" that resulted in 30K US soldiers being "killed."

I still don't know who Hasan Piker is, and I feel like that's okay.

"People don't eat healthy, so shut up about measles" is a weird illogical statement.

The Nutty Post Doc

2015 Donald Trump is calling 2026 Donald Trump a loser and "not very bright, folks."

Somewhere on the other side of the universe, polar opposite of Earth, someone is being born under the backward Scorpio sign and they're going to be the sweetest person ever. But that's a very INTP thing to say.

There's no such thing as third-party removals by ICE. That's called human trafficking.

Me, waiting for the asteroid: "Come onnnnnnn. Where is it?!"

If you tell me you're a patriot, I know you're not.

My wife printed movie tickets so our kids could get them punched like they were at a real theater. We watched Matilda and they LOVED it. @marawilson.bsky.social l My wife is wondering if the kids in the movie were actually afraid of Miss Trunchbull on set. The actress was too good at being evil.

Christian extremists fighting moderate Muslims? Inshallah all day, baby.

Iran War 17: 2 Electric Boogaloo, 2 Furious

The guy they hired to remove these is a real cockblock.

My nephew got a bug catcher for his birthday. I feel like the company didn't think this through.

Melting ICE with water. A+, kids.

Don't worry guys, Argentina only needs the last ten minutes no matter what the score is. #copamundial

I came up with a true story about Cassandra, but everyone kept thinking it was a joke.

This man is a treasure. He's a politician with heart, which is sadly rarer than it should be.

This country is so dumb. One of a hundred lawmakers with lofty powers over the entire citizenry, requiring an electoral majority in their state to be seated, but they can be replaced by literally anyone if they die.

I'm glad there are iron workers. I'm more glad there are unions. I'm glad that some guys can build a shed. But can we dispense with the bravado? Whatever happened to humility?

"What I'll remember most about Jeffrey Dahmer was his love of odd cuisine and how he deployed it to random men around Milwaukee."

George W. Bush was so bad at being president that the nation replaced him with a black man who was so good at being president that people replace him with a reality TV star.

Pepperidge Farms remembers, and so do I. #neverforget how bad W was.

I see a lot of patterns all around me, but I think I don't believe in conspiracy theories because they fit too perfectly within those patterns. It feels like fitting the curve.

Walter Cronkite: "Odds that JFK died at 1 pm Central Standard Time are paying 8-5 on Kalshi. Now here's the weather brought to you by Draft Kings."

Absolutely insane that Cape Verde — a country of 500,000 — played Spain, Uruguay and Argentina…and lost to none of them in regulation. Easily one of the greatest performances in World Cup history.

Three favorite books that help us understand what “the United States of America” means.

Technically, they’re Remains now.

I was about to type something amazing, but then I had to stop to hydrate. #worldcup2026