Jimmy L 📚

If you can't think outside the box, at least step outside to pee.

You can't blame the framers of the Constitution for our current problems. They inherited a huge mess from Joe Biden.

If the founders of this great nation were here right now, they'd still be dead.

CONSPIRACY UNCOVERED Americans cannot afford to fill their cars and trucks with Halloween candy.

I read lips. I'm working my way through the complete lips of Shakespeare.

If there's one thing I can't stand it's the universe.

Smart air fryers don't let their friends drive drunk.

those are not intrusive, negative thoughts. they are my relatives. i don't revisit my trauma. i visit my mauma.

I was late to my own extinction event.

gang-related morning coffee

we just sneezed while coughing and we think we saw the eternal mirror through which all souls are reflected across the universes

My sex tape is just flip booking the doodled deed in thecorners of a notebook. I can adjust the speed, and I do all the sound effects.

I agreed to solicit the Democrats' biggest donors, but only because I thought they said "big stoners."

2026 MN State Fair Crop Art entry. "last Day in the Park With Quinoa". Wish me luck.

I lost my parents when I was seven but I was on foot so they caught up.

If you missed the solar eclipse, this is what it looked like:

We Democrats are having an important debate. Is shooting ourselves in the left foot going too far, or should we play it safe and shoot ourselves in the right foot?

it takes so much caffeine to get me out the door that i have to spread it out over six or seven days.

After the world ends, can we get back to making jokes?

we were holding hands for a séance when the police burst in and confiscated them as evidence.

I know I parked like an asshole, but I didn’t want to disturb the parking lot pigeon.

Overnight Oats are an easy way to start your day with something cold and clammy, a textural nightmare, a sensory prop labeled "iced brains" in a haunted house

I asked google AI: How far does diarrhea have to travel to be considered explosive? google AI said: To all the greatest martial artists in the world till one agrees to teach it the secret, for diarrhea cannot accomplish this great task alone.

I’m sapphic but The seminal classic George of the Jungle definitely opened several doors in my brain

And that's only BEFORE dinner.

AI will take over the world and send killer robots back in time to take good-paying jobs away from hard-working American killers.

The government has apologized to Taylor Farms but Trump still insists they were 2 weeks away from having a nuclear weapon.

It’s been a year since Donald Trump slashed SNAP funding in his “Big Beautiful Bill.” Here’s how many people have lost food assistance so far.

A Positive News Story of the Day. 🥰 @cuppaoptimism.bsky.social @char2025.bsky.social @grateful-1.bsky.social @imnotapu2.bsky.social @jandee924.bsky.social @badgerbleu2.bsky.social @lucagalletti.bsky.social @6cats4adomino.bsky.social

Researcher studying alcohol consumption issues stark warning: last call.

Face The Nation: Trump border czar says "I think body cameras are the way to go" after deadly ICE shootings. Next month: Innocent Citizen Beaten To Death With Body Camera

World Cup parties spark new interest in parties.

My mom says never to count how many people don't like me but how will I know when there's enough to trade for a giant who doesn't like me

we all have nervous habits. i shudder to think.

as a fetus i did some things i'm not proud of.

My dog hid my bong. I can't really blame him. He must be tired of me telling him that Jimi Hendrix is a God.

We may have worked on opposite sides of the firing squad, but he was always warm and collegial.

Like Mom always said, you have to aim high if you want to get high.

I never knew there's a cat competition with an obstacle course and gymnastics. The cats compete at watching it.

I really have to compliment Google AI. It's so bad, it's like talking to a human.

Deeply saddened to learn of the loss of my dear friend Satan, the Prince of Lies. Though we often disagreed about matters such as the appropriate role of torture in the afterlife, I will most remember how his quick wit and affable nature made our weekly golf outings a ritual. He will be missed.

I’m saddened to announce the passing of my work colleague, The Zodiac Killer. While we were often on opposing sides of the business, I always enjoyed his silly little scavenger hunts.

Trump says he's allowing the Housing Bill to pass, regrets eating it.

BREAKING NEWS Mitch McConnell Remains Hospitalized You know he must have been pretty sick if they hospitalized his remains.