Joe Spivey

"Cyber correspondent Joe Tidy says he didn't know PHP existed until yesterday morning"

It's starling time

Hitler, presumably

That time of year again... processed meats day

Just been for a trip to Driffield. With the amount of rain going on, they really should call it "Pissing It Down Town"

Retro Gaming YouTube seems to be chock-full of controversy. Retro TV Adverts Ripped From Videotapes YouTube is where it's at.

A surefire way to stop the sale of disposable barbecues is to start calling them "pervert barbecues"

Ok, fine, let's take this complete and utter bollocks point by point. 🧵

Can anyone help me finish my Cryptic Crossword? Really struggling on this clue.

Finally, the antithesis to the "Mister Gotcha" cartoon

The BBC (finally) updated their article to include the figure... but, of course, left the headline at "thousands" to continue to play it down.

The new Meta pervert glasses ad seems to be successful - it shows they're not just for perverts, they're also for very annoying people too

What is it about hot weather and deciding it's a great idea to take things to the tip? Doing heavy lifting on a day like this was a terrible idea (and for other reasons as well, but still)

25 hours of build-up for the Mexico v England match seems a bit much

You young 'uns think this is hot, but you won't remember the summer of cwilliams1976.

That cheap, garish image of Paddington and Sir Keir would never be classed as art, regardless of how many penguins we boiled to make it.

Keir Starmer wants to parent your children for you because he thinks you're bad at it. he can't even run a party without Wes Streeting challenging him for leadership But yeah sure. he can parent all children in the country right?

A married parent in Scotland with a full-time job who votes, drives a car and manages their own six-figure investment portfolio cannot be trusted to watch "How To Fix a Leaking Toilet" on YouTube in daylight hours because they are only 17.

Utterly batshit - so a 16 and 17 year old can have sex, vote, join the military - but not "scroll" after 8.30pm? This government has completely lost the plot, the overreach to individual liberty is insane. Let parents choose what they want for their kids.

I've never felt so tired during a week off work. I fear this means that I'll be one of those people that will die 3 days into retirement

Mastodon really is the Linux of social media

Zappit vouchers have to be the worst possible way to entice people with free samples. They don't work on self-service checkouts and I have never been able to get one accepted on a staffed checkout. It genuinely puts me off every buying from involved brands ever again.

Texted the manager of my football team to say he's supposed to make me and the other trans guys change separately to the cis guys for our tournament tonight and he's replied with "fuck the ehrc and fuck the fa" so good luck to the government on getting people to enforce this

Gov straight up admitting that any attempts at gender policing are unworkable because "There is no type of official record or document in the UK which provides reliable evidence of sex." So bin it??

Even violence, state or otherwise, will not stop me living my life. I will not change a single thing about how I've been living for over a decade regardless of what some new garbage "guidance" might say. If they made it illegal to breathe I'd still do it. Fuck you

In the way that if your car broke down in the middle of the woods at night the best option is to simply allow yourself to be killed by the local Leatherface type character

Thomas Kinkade, not only the painter of light, not only a visionary, not only a man like no other - truly delicious. Across the United Kingdom, terrific buying. 0904... good luck if you get it.

This was what was missing from "The Reckoning" - Steve Coogan as Jimmy Savile watching 9/11 on the telly

Greg Davies takes over from Cum

Imagine a comedian posting something that is funny and not 100% serious; it might seem far-fetched but it's possible that some posts on BlueSky are in that format

I used to be a Labour candidate. I’ve spoken at dozens of constituency Labour parties across the country. I don’t want any more private meetings or messages from Labour MPs I used to be close with expressing concern at where the party has ended up. Put lives before your careers, please.

Swearclock has swung to the Greens

Arrested on his birthday lol

Since this post, multiple people have been shocked by my age. Come another 10 years I'll have to crack out the flat cap and high-waisted trousers

Heron are selling the Mr Beast Feastables bars for 59p. I bought one to see just how bad they are. It tastes exactly like cheap Christmas chocolate.